Still Journeying to the West Drabbles
by Sakurazukamori6
Summary: The title says it all. Short stories dealing with the characters of the Saiyuki universe. Yaoi.
1. Healing Touch

**Title:** Healing Touch

**Summary:** Gojyo's got a problem.

**Pairing: **hints of Gojyo/Hakkai.

**Timeline:** Gensomaden.

**A/N:** I'm a world of special. Gomen.

* * *

As the Sanzo-ikkou walks through yet another frigid wasteland, their sandy-colored robes blowing in the freezing wind and their procession only slightly hampered by the stiff snow at their feet, the quiet that had knitted itself around the group is suddenly snipped into pieces by Gojyo's voice. 

"Seriously, I think my nuts have frozen together."

"Eww," Goku says, not having expected the quiet to be broken by such a remark.

"This is no joke."

"Still eww," Goku says again, his nose scrunching up cutely under his hood as he watches his step.

"You're just angry chibi-monkey, you're not old enough, or _big_ enough for that matter, to have this type of problem." Even through a semi-blizzard, Gojyo's voice is as clear as day -- unfortunately for everyone else concerned.

"Eww, Hakkai tell him to shut up," Goku pleads, his pace now quickening so he's breaking their somewhat even line formation and encroaching upon Hakkai's space.

"Gojyo, please stop," Hakkai says evenly, just to get the two to quiet down. It's been a tiring two-hour trudge through these mountains. He doesn't need anymore reason to be annoyed.

"Hakkai, man I'm disappointed in you," Gojyo whines pathetically at the back of the line, "I thought you'd be the last person to dismiss a patient like that."

Hakkai, feeling slightly exasperated and confused, questions the hanyou despite his gut telling him not to. "Patient?"

Gojyo with a smirk on his face answers back smarmily, "Yeah patient…for my_ condition_."

"You mean, stupidity," Goku pipes up, and Gojyo, who is also now breaking lines, comes up behind the boy, pulls down his hood, and then proceeds to shove a handful of snow down the back of his shirt.

Goku yelps and is suddenly scurrying forward, abandoning his post between Hakkai and Gojyo, and running towards Sanzo at the front of the line.

Gojyo, without the obstacle of Goku in the way, walks up to Hakkai, slings an arm over the man's shoulders, leers at him and says with as much visible charm, "It's the healer's job to heal," and with that said, Gojyo points unabashedly at his crotch.

"Get to healing."

Even through the blizzard, the resounding sound of a gunshot can still be heard.


	2. Type

**Title:** Type

**Pairings:** Goku/Sanzo, small hint of Gojyo/Hakkai

**Summary:** Gojyo and Goku discuss preferences.

**A/n:** Teehehe.

* * *

They're all sitting at a restaurant when Gojyo poses a quandary to the boy sitting next to him. 

"Oh, look at her Goku. You probably never seen a prettier girl?"

Goku looks up from his food and stares in the direction Gojyo is suggesting with his eyes. He then proceeds to glance-over said pretty brunette, which has the other two men at the table shocked, because Goku usually calls Gojyo a pervert for this kind of behavior. Goku looks her up and down, and then displays a quick dismal by way of lidded, bored-looking eyes.

"She's not my type," Goku says flippantly, which is another huge shock to the two other men at the table, because they'd not even known the boy had a type in the first place.

Gojyo's eyebrows raise and then he's got that perverted grin on his face. "Oh, then what is your type, eh monkey boy?" He laughs because the answer to this has got to be funny.

Goku throws out flippantly again, like his answer had been known to all already, "I like blonds."

Gojyo stops laughing and cocks his head to the side, like he's trying to make sense of all of this and the change in head position will make things clearer.

Hakkai, who had been sipping green tea, accidentally tips his cup over and spills some on his lap.

Sanzo drops his fork.

Gojyo, coming back from his contemplation time, his head going right side up again, continues to question the boy, "Blonds, really?"

Goku, who's gone back to eating, swallows his food easily and nods his head. "Yeah, I really, _really_ like blonds." He says, with a small smirk on his face, and for some reason Gojyo has the feeling that this subject should be left the hell alone.

Gojyo doesn't heed his inner warning though -- like he ever has -- but blindly trudges forward.

"What that whole 'blonds have more fun' thing messing with your little monkey brain?" Gojyo says teasingly.

Goku takes a sip of his water. "Huh? Oh that…I don't know. I just like blonds."

Sanzo is at this very moment infinitesimally inching his way down in his seat.

"Okay, but what else? She can't just be blond," Gojyo says, because this is a sort of lesson for the younger man and there is no subject that Sha Gojyo is more fluent in.

"Uh…" Then the strangest thing happens: Goku turns his gaze on Sanzo, who is still slumping back in his chair, and locks gazes with the priest. He gives the priest a once-over and then turns his gaze back to Gojyo. "I like them feisty."

Sanzo raises his hand for the check.

Hakkai spits his tea out.

"Oh dear, I…the tea here is so hot...I have to clean this up," Hakkai says hurriedly as he gets up from his chair. He glances over at Sanzo before he walks away, his hand over his mouth and the sudden sound of choked laughter coming from the brunette. "Oh excuse me, my throat. It's so parched." He then quickly beats a retreat.

Gojyo, staring at the brunette's back, his brows wrinkling -- because something doesn't feel right -- quickly dismisses the feeling and goes back to Goku.

"Che, well you can keep your blonds, give me a nice brunette with long legs any day."


	3. Bear Repellant

**Title:** Bear Repellant

**Timeline:** Reload Gunlock

**Characters: **Sanzo, Gojyo.

**Summary:** Sanzo-ikkou vs. Bears

**A/N:** I'm still a world of special.

* * *

When they're attacked by another throng of bears on the edge of a forest, Sanzo calmly turning to Gojyo upon the redhead's shouts of "It wasn't my fault they followed me here, and I'm just gifted with some wicked animal magnetism" asks Gojyo if he's tried hitting on them, because surely they wouldn't be having this problem right now if he did. 

**End.**


	4. Kitty Cat

**Title:** Kitty cat

**Characters: **Gojyo, Goku

**Timeline:** Reload

**Summary:** Gojyo's bored.

**A/n:** My perversion knows no bounds. This imagery is so wrong!

* * *

Gojyo bored out of his mind as he sits on the curb of a storefront sidewalk and waits for Hakkai and Sanzo to finish shopping, turns his attention towards the monkey-boy beside him.

Goku's attention, however -- by the look in his golden eyes -- has been caught by something, and when Gojyo turns his head to see what it is, he finds himself looking at a black cat with white spots, the small creature cleaning itself under the shade of a vendor's table.

Gojyo suddenly finds a solution to his boredom problem.

"Hey Goku, why don't you try callin' it over here?"

"Okay," Goku says readily, his eyes lighting up at the prospect of getting to pet the fluffy creature.

"Here kitty, kitty, kitty. C'mon kitty cat." After a couple minutes of calling out to the cat, snapping his fingers, even holding up one end of his cape and shaking it at the cat like a string, Goku finally slumps forward and gives up. "She doesn't like me."

Gojyo with his plan still in motion nudges Goku with an elbow, telling the boy, "Look, that's not how you call a cat."

One minute later when Sanzo and Hakkai are walking out of the store, bags in hand, they are suddenly met with the sight of Goku whistling and shaking a dollar in his hand, shouting loudly for all to hear, "Pussy, pussy, pussy. Here pussy, pussy, pussy."

Sanzo immediately drops his bags, spilling beer, cigarettes and ammo all over the ground, and Hakkai automatically turning towards Gojyo, sees the redhead behind a streetlamp, laughing himself nauseous.

**End.**


	5. Gulp

**Title:** Gulp

**Pairing:** Hints of Kougaiji xYaone

**Timeline: **Doesn't matter.

**Summary:** Yaone's really…stacked.

**A/n:** I'm a pervert. I really am.

* * *

When the Kougaiji-tachi leaps forward, demanding the Scripture from the Sanzo-ikkou, all four blink in unison in sudden realization. Their eyes now nowhere near the charismatic demon prince, but having migrated immediately towards the person standing behind Kougaiji. 

Yaone, feeling the immediate attention of the Sanzo-ikkou on her, especially on a specific part of her anatomy, carefully shifts to divert the staring away from her chest.

It ends up not working, because it seems the momentum from their entrance -- leaping in front of the Sanzo-ikkou -- has given Yaone's chest some…bounce.

Goku, tugging on Sanzo's sleeve asks the man, "How can she fight with those?"

Sanzo clears his throat and promptly places a hand over Goku's eyes, which embarrasses Yaone even further.

Gojyo, mouth agape, stares audaciously. "Dear god, it's like…boobie heaven. I didn't even think they could get that big."

Upon Gojyo's words, Dokugakuji who shares the same blood with the redhead, cannot help but look down to confirm what his brother has said. He ends up gaping a little too.

Hakkai, blushing and turning slightly to the side, and noticing Gojyo's unattractive gaping, takes his hand and snaps the man's jaw back in place.

Yaone, fidgeting and blushing, suddenly notices that throughout all of this, her Lord has not once turned around to glance at her.

That thought, for some reason, makes her even more embarrassed and she blushes tenfold.

"My lord…what shall we do?" She asks timidly, her hand somehow getting the better of her and tugging on Kougaiji's sleeve. The demon prince turns around to meet her and looks her right in the _face_, which makes her blush even more.

"They seem to be incapacitated for some reason," Kougaiji states curiously. He scratches his head, and Lirin -- for once quiet --shakes her head at how much of a dork her brother really is.

The other men are still all looking at Yaone's breast, some curious, some terrified, some blushing, some horny.

Her brother though is the only one who hasn't even noticed that Yaone's top is lower on her chest than usual.

"Yaone, I think you should throw a smoke bomb at them now." Kougaiji turns to Yaone again and makes _eye_ contact to confirm her response.

"Yes, my Lord."

'Good grief.' Lirin, shaking her head at her brother again as he gives out more orders to Yaone, not even once checking her out, can't second-guess her opinion that Kougaiji is in love with the girl, because there is no way in hell it couldn't be love if he would rather listen to what she has to say, than stare at her boobs.

**End.**


	6. Crossing the Bridge

**Title:** Crossing the Bridge

**Pairing:** Hints of Gojyo/Hakkai

**Timeline:** Who am I kidding?

**Summary:** Assholes first.

**A/n:** Gojyo's mean.

* * *

When the Sanzo-ikkou finds themselves unable to cross the wooden, rickety old obstacle of a bridge in their way using Hakuryuu, all four watch enviously as Jeep transforms into his dragon form and flies obliviously over said wooden, rickety old obstacle of a bridge. 

Gojyo, taking one good look at the bridge as it sways dangerously in the air, creaking all the while, takes a moment to set aside a valid point. "Since Hakkai and me are bigger than you guys," he points to Sanzo and Goku, "then we should automatically have first dibs to cross.

"On what grounds?" Sanzo questions.

Gojyo explains to him and everyone else, "On the grounds that when _we_ get to the other side, the bridge will be _way_ too unstable for the two of you to follow," he points to Sanzo and Goku, "And if you do chance it, then you'll probably plummet to gruesome, but nonetheless entertaining deaths for _us_." He points to himself and Hakkai.

**End.**


	7. Bad Timing

**Title:** Bad timing

**Pairing:** Sanzo/Goku

**Timeline: **I wish.

**Summary:** Pesky demons just don't know how to work around Sanzo-sama's schedule.

**A/n:** Porn :)

* * *

Sanzo, licking down the side of Goku's throat, is suddenly rewarded with a sigh and a breathless moan, the boy grabbing onto his neck and pulling him down for a dizzying kiss that has his hands working open his pants and lifting his legs up. Goku whimpers around his bared shoulders, and Sanzo can think of nothing better than moving his hips and dragging more of those sounds out of the boy. He presses his body down harder on top of Goku and watches his eyes flutter, his lips part open, and his cheeks fuse with even more color. 

They're both so close.

He's already so close. It won't take much.

Just one more --

_Shatter!_

"Hand over the Scripture, Sanzo-ikkou!"

"Yes, give us the Scripture and we might spare your lives."

"Hahahahaha!"

A group of demons -- to Sanzo's chagrin -- has used the inn's bedroom window as their very own entranceway, fragments of glass, wood and curtain shreds scattered all over the floor.

Sanzo, lifting his head from where it had been tucked under Goku's neck, peers angrily through his blond bangs at the demons on the other side of the room.

The demons also peer angrily at Sanzo…until they finally realize what they have been intruding upon.

"Oh man, whoops. Wrong room," one of the demons says, his hands going up to immediately cover his eyes.

"Dammit Lan, get the damn room number right next time." A demon with dirty blond hair turns toward another demon with a large demon marking on his left cheek and scowls.

The demon with the large marking shouts back, "But I swear I did!"

"Really sorry 'bout this folks," one of the other demons apologizes, his hands also covering his eyes.

Sanzo, angry as all living hell, can't help but falter when his assailants start to apologize and back away blindly towards their self made exit. Goku, who is under him, speechless as well and blushing up to his ears, can't help but stare wide-eyed up at Sanzo as the monk stares back down at him.

The harsh whispering across the room, however, breaks both from their dazed staring as they turn their attentions back to the demons.

"You ask him!"

"Maybe he'll know where the Sanzo priest is staying, you idiot!"

"Stop being such a damn baby."

"Alright, alright. Shit."

They both watch as one of the demons -- the one with the large demon marking -- shuffles forward and asks from a reasonable distance, "Ah… you two wouldn't happen to know…where a Genjyo Sanzo is rooming in this inn, would you?"

Sanzo looks down at Goku disbelievingly, his hand going under his pillow as the young boy under him is suddenly smirking up at his keeper.

Sanzo turns back to the demon.

"Yeah, I know where he is."

He then proceeds to pull out his Weston and Smith from under his pillow.

_Click._

"He's right here."

**End?**


	8. Bad Timing Part II

**Title:** Bad Timing, Part II

**Pairing:** Sanzo/Goku

**Timeline:** Still wishing.

**Summary:** The continuation. Potty mouth version…

**A/n:** Why did I even continue this? Oh yeah, the porn :)

_**

* * *

**__**Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!**_

It takes all of one second for Sanzo to dispose of their demon intruders, and it takes him even less to remind Goku of their current positions, because there is no way in **_hell_** he's stopping this time around, even if Gyumaoh himself comes crashing through that piece of shit window. The Demon King is just going to have to fucking wait it out like the rest of them until he's thoroughly finished boning Goku into the mattress.

**End.**


	9. Animal Crossing

**Title:** Animal Crossing

**Pairing:** Squint and maybe you'll see something.

**Summary:** Gojyo gives everyone an animal counterpart

**Timeline:** Who cares? No, really?

**A/n:** I'm on a continual downward slope. Someone save me! P.s. this is not fact based, so inaccuracies or common misconceptions about animals are here, present only in Sanzo's thoughts.

* * *

No one knows exactly how it was brought up, but suddenly all the members of the Sanzo-ikkou are bickering over who would make the most kickass...animal, if they were all somehow reincarnated as such. 

"I would make the sexiest damn snake there ever lived and nobody in this jeep can tell me otherwise."

Goku snorts. "That's so wussy. What can a snake do?"

"It can poison your dumb ass to death, that's what it can do," Gojyo retorts.

"I can shoot it with my gun," Sanzo says matter-of-factly.

Hakkai reminds the monk affably, "Sanzo, we're animals, you wouldn't have a gun."

Sanzo pretends like he doesn't understand that sort of logic and answers back, "Well I'd be an animal that can carry around a gun."

Hakkai shakes his head amusedly at Sanzo's persistence to keep his gun. "The only animal that comes to mind, that would have the opposable thumbs needed for you to handle your gun...would be a monkey."

"Oh Sanzo, we could be monkeys together!" Goku happily adds, and Sanzo cannot begin to put into words how much he _hates_ Hakkai at that moment. Then Goku's excitement is cut in half when he realizes what he's just said. "Wait, I take that back. I don't want to be a monkey."

"Too late," Gojyo says.

Goku ignores him and goes on. "I want to be a dog."

Hakkai curiously asks him, "What kind of dog?"

Gojyo answers for him, "The kind that humps Sanzo's leg."

"Fuck off you stupid ero, ero, tentacle-snake sprite," Goku shouts.

Sanzo, getting his Weston and Smith ready, says out of the blue, "I take it back. I want to be _the_ gun."

No one has the heart -- or the balls -- to tell Sanzo that he can't be a gun, since they are currently on the topic of reincarnated animals and _not_ reincarnated weaponry. That subject will probably be discussed next week.

Although, no one really thinks Sanzo cares, even if he's going against the majority's conversation, because the man really just wants his damn gun. Everyone gets the sudden mental image of **Gun Sanzo** and a simultaneous shiver runs through all.

Gojyo breaks the silence by telling Goku, "I think Sanzo would make a great porcupine."

Sanzo instead of shooting the bastard like he should have, is more intrigued with the idea that this solitary animal can fire sharp, long, painful spikes at his enemies and curl up in a ball that will make him impervious to annoying people.

He doesn't even need a gun.

"But nobody would ever be able to hug you if you were a porcupine," Goku says cutely.

Sanzo is now completely sold on the idea. From now on, all will call him _Porcupine Toa Genjyo Sanzo, the 31st._

Gojyo, squinting one eye and looking like he was thinking really hard -- shocker of the century there -- says, "I can so see Hakkai as a bunny rabbit."

Hakkai looks in the review mirror and catches Gojyo's eyes questioningly.

"How did you come to that conclusion?" the brunette asks.

"Well…" Gojyo cups his chin in his hands, "I thought, what would be an animal that was both cute and deadly."

Both Goku and Sanzo look at Gojyo like he going nuts, which he probably is, because that last part had made no sense whatsoever.

"Think about it. Bunny rabbits are kind of scary."

"Huh?" Goku says, not following Gojyo at all, "No, they're not. You're just a pussy."

"Oi, watch your mouth," Gojyo warns, even though he had been the one to teach him that word.

"C'mon, they're so cute, they're scary. It makes sense. Think about all those times he's _'persuaded'_ us into cleaning."

And with that mental picture secured firmly in mind, both Sanzo and Goku finally start to realize what the kappa/snake was talking about.

**End.**


	10. Calendar

**Title:** Calendar

**Pairing:** Gojyo/Hakkai

**Summary:** Gojyo doesn't have any holidays to celebrate, until now.

**Timeline:** Make one up.

**A/n:** Inappropriate uses of a calendar. Penalty on Gojyo

* * *

He didn't know why he had the thing with him, but it was here and it wasn't going anywhere. He held it in his hands, flipped through its dogged-eared pages ,and then stopped on today's date. 

Why the hell did he have this thing anyway?

"Gojyo, Hakkai's calling us down for dinner. C'mon," Goku said impatiently, the boy taking off before Gojyo could even tell him to hold his horses.

He tossed the calendar on the bed, walked out the door, down the stairs and towards the inn's kitchen.

"Here Gojyo," Hakkai said, holding out a plate for the other man. Gojyo took it with an offered smile and helped himself to a hot meal as Hakkai pulled out a chair and sat right next to him. He'd noticed out from the corner of his eye that Hakkai didn't look too…good, his skin paler than usual, his brow breaking out into a light sweat.

"You alright, bud?" Gojyo asked around a mouthful of rice.

"Oh, I'm fine," Hakkai said as he gulped down his water, his cheeks definitely looking more flush from the angle the hanyou was peering at him from, his fingers shaking a little as he placed his cup down.

The brunette was picking at his food more than eating it, and Gojyo was about to ask him what the hell was the matter, but Goku had beat him to the punch.

"Hakkai, are you sick?" The boy asked directly.

Hakkai smiled weakly and said, "…I feel a little under the weather."

"Why?" Goku bluntly asked, and Hakkai had thought he'd answered his first question sufficiently enough for there not be one after that.

"I'm just going through some things," Hakkai generally said, having not wanted to give anything out about himself, but having no choice as Goku's questioning had caught him off-guard.

"What things?" Goku asked again and Hakkai smiled weakly in response.

Gojyo would have told the monkey to stop bothering Hakkai, but he actually wanted to know what was plaguing the brunette, and Goku did have a way of coercing things out of Hakkai.

"Well…demon things," Hakkai answered back and scratched behind his neck, "I get a little sick during the year, so don't worry about it."

Goku, furrowing his brow, mumbled under his breath, "How come I don't get sick then?"

No one said anything.

When dinner was over and Hakkai was leaving for his bedroom, Gojyo found himself following after the brunette.

"Yes, Gojyo?"

"You got a minute."

"If it's for you, then I have all the time in the world." Hakkai's green eyes were sharper than usual, his mouth a predatory smile as he leaned in closer to Gojyo on the stairs and licked his lips. He then caught himself mid-way, blinking himself away, his eyes wide and his face flushed. "I'm sorry Gojyo. Can you excuse me."

Gojyo grabbed Hakkai's hand before he could get away. "What's going on with you? You've been actin' funny?"

"It's just…" Hakkai was looking at him longingly, almost tenderly, and Gojyo couldn't help but feel affected. "I'm feeling the season come down on me. A demon body is so vastly different from a human one," Hakkai said, as he tugged on his collar and bit into his lower lip. Gojyo didn't know if he should be concerned or turned on, so he was both.

"Anything I can help you with?" This was him trying to be a friend, offering consolation, offering a shoulder and an ear, nevermind that it was _finally_ giving him the chance to get into Hakkai's pants.

Hakkai looked at him and smiled sheepishly, "No…I think I should just get some rest and I'll be fine in the morning."

Gojyo nodded his head, feeling all kinds of disappointment wash over him. "Yeah, you do that." He walked up the stairs stiffly and said "good night" before he closed the door to his room in frustration.

He saw the calendar -- the dog-ears, the smudges, and today's date -- lying waiting for him on the bed. He grabbed it, ready to throw it out the window, but then an idea came to him.

Today was the day that Hakkai went into heat.

And next year, it would most likely be around the same time that he went into heat. Which meant…

Gojyo, grabbing a pen off his nightstand, scribbled down this fact in his calendar.

…If he played his cards right _next year_…

It seemed he'd finally found a use for this calendar, after all.

**End.**


	11. Good Kisser

**Title:** Good Kisser

**Pairing:** Hints of Gojyo/Hakkai

**Timeline:** In my head

**Summary:** Gojyo is the world's best kisser.

**A/n:** Why do I do this to you nice people?

**……………………………………………………………………………………………...**

"I've kissed tons of girls, so I've got _a lot_ of experience in that area."

"But that doesn't make you good at it." Goku fires back, because it always makes him feel better to have one up on the kappa whenever he was bragging like that.

"Yes, it does." Gojyo says with that irritating smugness.

"No, it doesn't."

"Yes, it does if they've cried to me about it, begging for me to come over at nigh-"

"Stop, stop!" Goku shouts, his hands up in the air to halt the kappa from taking this PG-13 conversation into M waters.

"They were probably drunk." Sanzo supplies from his seat, newspaper held up in front of his face, so he's spared the stupid staring his comment brought up.

Goku shakes his head in agreement with Sanzo. "Yeah, so they couldn't possibly tell…since they were drunk."

"Are you asking me for proof?"

Sanzo snorts from behind his papers and it's not because the comics he's reading are terribly funny.

Goku stands up and points at the kappa, "You don't have proof!"

Gojyo smiles slow and catlike, his eyes smoldering behind his hair as he stands up and cocks his head to the side, his grin successfully giving the boy the full out creeps.

"What if I can provide someone with a first hand account, eh?"

Goku levels him with a skeptical stare, "You're bluffing."

"Only in card games." Gojyo adds as he walks to the door and appears to be waiting for something.

His something comes through the door with a basket of laundry in his hands and a smile on his face and Gojyo, sidling up to Hakkai makes a motion with his hands that has the brunette stopping in his tracks.

"Notice subject A," the redhead starts up mock-seriously. "He will now be giving a very _detailed _account for the next two hours on the expertise of Sha Gojyo's tongue skills."

Hakkai promptly drops the basket of clothes he had been carrying.

**End.**


	12. Good Kisser, the Prequel

**Title:** Good Kisser, the Prequel.

**Pairing:** Gojyo/Hakkai.

**Timeline:** 3 years ago. Everyone's favorite.

**Summary:** Where it all began.

**A/n:** dedicated to Crim1 and ed girl.

**……………………………………………………………………………………………...**

They're making out in front of the house—again. They've forgotten about the door, the keys in Gojyo's pocket, the groceries on the floor and the cold air.

All because they're making out in front of the house—again and Gojyo can't seem to get his tongue deep enough into Hakkai's mouth. Not with Hakkai's own tongue trying the same maneuver on him.

It's frustrating.

But that doesn't stop him from the present task of making out in front of the house. If anything it makes him try harder, makes him slam Hakkai up against their door--the one Banri had a mind to kick in a couple of months prior--and tilt his head up and kiss until he can taste the green tea the man was sipping earlier.

"Mmmhhh…uh…nngghh."

He wraps an arm low around Hakkai's waist, pulls the brunette in closer--if it's even possible anymore--and sucks on the tongue in his mouth, feeling the muscle flicker over his own and then pass over his teeth and the roof of his mouth.

His knees go weak and Hakkai, whose propped up against the door, fists in his hair and glasses on the floor--the second broken pair this week--has his need between them hurting and making his breaths speed up to a point where it's affecting the whole making out in front of the house thing—again.

He pulls away; watches Hakkai breathless and beautiful shake his head at him, a motion that tells him Hakkai isn't ready for it to end yet, pulling Gojyo back to him with the same gentle hands cradling his head and diving for his mouth not so gently.

He leans into Hakkai more, presses his hips to the point where it's not a question that Hakkai feels the same need too and has to pull away again when Hakkai, hands trembling in his hair and knees shaking almost buckles under him. The brunette tries to regain his recline against the door, but his legs, they're not cooperating like they should and he accidentally steps on Gojyo's foot trying to make the adjustments necessary for this making out in front of the house to continue. Gojyo pulls his foot away on reflex, watches Hakkai's hand make a sudden grab for the door behind him as he shifts his foot only to step on his glasses and shatter them even further.

They don't even look down to confirm the crunching sound because Gojyo suddenly has his mouth on Hakkai's throat, his lips open and sucking a bruise into color on the man's pale skin.

"The…key..the open. Door." He hears Hakkai incoherently whisper down at him and then his hands are ripping into his pockets, his mouth stubbornly clinging to Hakkai's neck as he pulls the keys out and tries to find the keyhole--he ponders on that word a little bit longer than he should have-- one handed and blinded by the skin of Hakkai's warm neck.

Something finally gives and he twists and pushes until the door yields under them and they're stumbling into the darkened living room, Hakkai's back connecting with a wall and them ending up in the same position all over again.

They're making out _inside_ of the house now.

**End.**


	13. Twins

**Title:** Twins

**Pairing:** Gojyo/Hakkai

**Timeline:** Your choice.

**Summary:** Gojyo wonders what it would have been like if Kanan were around.

**A/n:** Weird mix of sad/perverted. Gojyo's imagination knows no bounds.

* * *

It always saddens him to see Hakkai on days when it rains, his fingers resting on his shirt, stroking the scar through the material because it aches a little when the weather turns dark. 

It saddens him that he can't do anything for the man and that his friend is right now trapped in his memories of his lover, of his sister and how that beautiful smile is lost to him forever.

Gojyo can sympathize, because if Kanan's smile had been anywhere near as beautiful as Hakkai's when he truly means it, then the world has lost something truly breathtaking.

It saddens him.

And to pick himself up, because they don't need anymore sad, irritated—Sanzo—people on these rainy, muggy day, he thinks what it would have been like if he'd ever gotten the chance to meet the phantom twin.

He knows without a doubt he'd have hit on her, because dear god, it was Hakkai's sister and the man was so utterly pretty that there was _no way_ he could restrain himself from hitting on an equally pretty family member.

He probably would have tried to hassle a date out of her.

He probably would have gotten himself nailed by a chi blast the very first day, because he couldn't forget who her little brother was and that they were lovers.

Yeah, he probably would have gotten himself into a heap load of trouble.

He probably would have ended up falling hard for her and trying to get her brother to part with her.

He probably would have ended up falling hard for both of them.

Then there would be the problem of choices.

Then he'd try to ask them both out.

Then he'd probably get turned down twice in one day.

But dear god, a man could go insane with such pretty neighbors and pretty neighbors that fooled around with each other! Now he knew it was weird to be turned on by incest, but they were TWINS. HOT TWINS! No man could scorn him for such thoughts, because really they were hot enough by themselves and then when they were together…!

Gojyo, holding his nose and shaking his head because this was _not_ the time to be aroused, not when his friend was mourning quietly by the window and looking all kinds of sad, vulnerable, pretty…

Oh geez, his dick really had the worst timing in the world.

And taking another look at Hakkai, still at the windowsill and hearing a sigh come up from the man Gojyo decided it would just be best to leave Hakkai alone.

And to take a cold shower.

Except Goku was in the bathroom.

So he'd ended up going out in the very rain that made Hakkai so sad.

It felt refreshing.

**End.**


	14. Magical

**Title:** Magical…(ohhhh)

**Characters:** The Saiyuki boys.

**Timeline:** Huh?

**Summary:** There are some things in this world that can't be explained.

**A/n:** Yep.

* * *

Sanzo shoots the forty-somethinth' demon, the youkai issuing a loud, blood curdling scream as he's sent to purgatory and beyond with a bullet to the head. 

Sanzo empties out the shells from his guns and reaching into his robes, he's methodically reloading them with a clinking sound that has the other three, sweaty and tired from kicking demon ass for an entire afternoon looking at him curiously.

Sanzo notices the scrutiny but pays it no heed as he spins the cylinder, snaps it into place and puts his gun back into his robes.

They're still looking at him and finally sick of the attention, Sanzo turns to them and raises an eyebrow.

This prompts Gojyo to ask him around his tired breaths, "Hey houshi, there's been something that's been bothering me ever since we started this journey." Gojyo looks around to the two standing next to him and Sanzo has to guess that it's not only Gojyo that's bothered.

"Che, well, what is it?" He levels them with a bored stare and picks his ear with his pinky finger.

Gojyo as the unorthodox spokesman turns to the two beside him, nods his head knowingly and then asks incredulously, "Where the hell do you keep all those bullets?"

Sanzo stops picking his ear because he hadn't been expecting such a question from the hanyou, he turns to Goku and Hakkai and notices the same dumb-founded looks on their faces that the kappa is sporting.

He looks down at himself and then looks back at them.

Then Gojyo breaks the silence irritatingly, "You got a dimension in there with you or somethin'? I bet it's the same place you stash that fagedy-ass fan of yours. S'probably a black hole that sucks up all the good in the world, eh Sanzo-sama?"

Gojyo grins at him and he can see Goku and Hakkai fighting back the smiles on their faces at the kappas remarks.

Wow. And he had _actually_ been thinking about giving them the real answer.

He shoves his pinky in his ear to resume picking it and then answers sarcastically, "The magical bullet fairy."

Gojyo stops laughing and Hakkai clears his throat.

Goku's eyes widen, "Really?"

Both Gojyo and Hakkai turn to the boy and stare at him stunned.

Sanzo smirks, "Yeah, the magical, fucking, bullet fairy. Every time I need more bullets, it pops in from the magical land of Bai's Weaponry Store and delivers them to me via the magical, fairy dust that it keeps in its canteen."

Goku blinks at him then, looks at the sky, looks around him, walks over to Sanzo, looks around Sanzo and Gojyo is slapping himself on the forehead and Hakkai is sighing aloud, because Goku is the only person in the world who would believe such a lame story like that.

Sanzo actually looks like he's having fun.

The motherfucker _would_ get a kick out of confusing Goku even more than the boy already is.

"Hey Sanzo, can I see it?"

"No." Sanzo says with a smirk on his face. "You have to be a certain age to be able to see it. Maybe when you're…twenty-three you'll be able to see it too."

"So that means Gojyo and Hakkai can't see it either," Goku says sounding more and more excited as this conversation continues on.

Gojyo and Hakkai look to each other and then Gojyo slumping forward because he hadn't meant to trigger this turn of stupid assness is trying to ignore the two as he follows Hakkai back to the jeep.

He later asks Sanzo in front of Goku, if it's possible to kill the _magical, bullet fairy _without being able to see it.

**End.**


	15. Eeep!

**Title:** Eeep!

**Characters:** Sanzo-ikkou.

**Timeline:** hmm…(scratches head)

**Summary:** Every man for himself.

**A/n: **Run!

* * *

On the demon spider's request for all delectable, young virgins to step forward, Gojyo and Hakkai take a _huge _step backwards, abandoning their two teammates who are still staring at the massive, youkai spider's nest in front of them.

**End.**


	16. Flavored Condoms

**Title:** Flavored Condoms

**Pairing:** If you see it, you've got good eyes.

**Timeline:** Lalalala…la.

**Summary:** I'm not even going to try.

**A/n:** Continual downward slope. Yes!

* * *

"What are condoms?" 

On Goku's question, the room suddenly gets dead silent.

Hakkai and Gojyo, who had been playing a friendly game of cards and talking more than playing, stop all sudden motion and turn to stare at the boy.

Sanzo, who had been reading his newspaper, lowers it immediately to stare at his charge.

Goku stares back at them obliviously and then asks again like they hadn't heard him, "What's condoms?"

All three men look at him until Hakuryuu, who's curled up close to Hakkai mews out loud and then their gazes are automatically shifting to the dragon.

Hakuryuu mews again and each man wonders if they'd just heard Goku right.

"What's a condom?"

Unfortunately they heard him right.

Gojyo, who is the first to jump out of his daze turns to Goku, his finger up in the air to catch the boy's attention before he completely unleashes upon Goku the information he wanted to hear, but Sanzo catches the sight of that ominous finger first and as if on a reflex, he grabs the plate that's in front of him and hurls it at the kappa's head.

Gojyo ducks, not at all expecting for dishware to be flying—Where's the bullet?—and falls off the bed in his haste to escape the domestic projectile of choice.

Sanzo straightens in his seat and stands up. He points at Gojyo, who has fallen on his head and doesn't look like he's getting up for a while. "Hakkai, keep him away."

"Sanzo?" Goku questions as his keeper grabs him by the scruff of his shirt and pulls him towards the door. Hakkai, now stooping down and inspecting the upside down kappa answers back a "Yes sir." He managers to keep the laughter down until Goku and Sanzo are successfully out the door.

"Is it a place?" Goku asks out of the blue, as Sanzo drags him down the hallway and towards somewhere where they can talk in private because this…topic is not meant for anyone else and he surely doesn't want Goku getting the wrong idea from a certain upside down bastard.

Sanzo keeps quiet until they've reached the second floor balcony. There's no one around and the cool air will certainly help him later when he's giving more…detailed explanations as he doesn't see anyway around it, considering who he's talking about here.

"This is a balcony Sanzo." Goku says, looking around and then down at the scant people in the market place.

Sanzo has an urge to hit him, but quells that urge and jumps right into his explanation because he only has a set amount of time until Gojyo comes running out here to ruin Goku.

"A condom is something," he pauses when he sees the eager look in Goku's eyes, because like Hakkai had once said, the boy is like a sponge and he likes learning, no matter the subject or the embarrassment it will cause the teacher. Sanzo grits his teeth and follows through anyway because he's not a coward and he surely isn't going to be done in by a…condom! "…It's latex-"

"Latex?" Not even a second into his explanation and sponge Goku has begun to ask questions. "What's latex?"

"Rubber." He explains quickly and waits for this to sink in because he hasn't even gotten to the actual explanation yet.

"Oh." Goku responds, and he ignores him and goes on. "Males wear it over their," he's not going to resort to primitive hand motions, "peni-sexual organs during intercourse as a contraceptive.

Goku's brows knot together, "Intercontra-what?"

Sanzo takes a deep breath and curses the fact that all these years he's sheltered his charge like a child. "During sex," he explains slowly, which he knows Goku can comprehend since Gojyo is his seatmate. "Men wear it on their dicks," he sounds angrier than he would care to be during this explanation but he can't help it, as this situation just makes him irritated. "To keep them from impregnat-" Must replace the big word with something else, "from getting women pregnant." Oh fuck it that will just have to do. He takes one good look at Goku and then adds, "They don't want babies."

"Oh, okay." The boy says and Sanzo feels like ripping out his hair, because his charge is dense like a goddamn wall. It's probably the reason why he can take all those hits to the head and not be in a coma.

"Did I make it in time?" Gojyo, pealing around the corner, stops, bends over at the waist and breaths loudly, looking like he had to fight and outrun Hakkai just to get over here.

Sanzo narrows his eyes and thinks about what a close call it was. "I have already explained it to him. Now go away!" He adds, because Gojyo is irking the hell out of him.

Gojyo leers and walks up to the pair. "That didn't take very long. You sure you hit all the points, Sanzo-sama?" Gojyo asks and looks like he's about to start cackling.

Goku's eyes light up again. "There's more to the explanation?"

"You bet." Gojyo says with a smirk thrown Sanzo's way. Sanzo is about to pull his gun out and silence this nuisance forever, but before he can do that Gojyo blurts out, "There're also flavored condoms."

Goku's eyes widen even more and then he asks something that has all the blood in Sanzo's face draining away, "How do they taste?"

Sanzo ends up pushing Gojyo over the balcony before he can answer.

Unfortunately for him, the bastard survives.

**End.**


	17. Mission Accomplished

**Title:** Mission Accomplished.

**Pairing:** Hints of Homura/Goku, Sanzo/Goku.

**Timeline:** Gensomaden, of course.

**Summary: **Too "special" to even summarize.

**A/n:** Something's seriously wrong with me.

* * *

He's sauntering over to them, like he fucking owns every stone step his foot comes into contact with and Goku, stupidly enough seems enthralled with the idea that he's coming closer. 

Sanzo takes one good look at his overzealous charge and then pushes him out of the way.

"Gah!" Goku falls on his face in the dirt and Gojyo, turning to the war god in front of them, says seriously, "You have been successfully cockblocked."

**End.**


	18. Brothers

**Title:** Brothers

**Characters:** Dokugakuji, Gojyo, mentions of Goku, Kougaiji and hints of Gojyo/Hakkai.

**Timeline:** Gensomaden.

**Summary:** Dokugakuji's seen it coming. Sort of.

**A/n:** This one came out of left field.

* * *

It hadn't come as a shock to him the way his little brother had turned out. Not when he had always seen the making of the man in that ten-year old little brat who liked to pick reds flowers and hustle him in cards. 

It hadn't come as a shock to him to see his brother easily hitting on woman shamelessly in the street, because he'd seen it in the clumsy, sweet kid a long time ago. Seen how he'd picked other flowers for other girls, but always left the red ones for their mother, because she was special.

It hadn't come as a shock that his brother had turned into a tough guy, who doesn't cry, who'd rather stand on his own strength, on his own legs because that little boy who had stood up to the daily punishment from a mentally insane youkai woman, who suffered the mental and physical abuse with a strained smile he knew was going to one day be as tough as nails.

It hadn't come as a shock that Gojyo, even though he hasn't gotten over the past like him is still trying with all his might to move on. He's seen it in the way his brother bickers with Son Goku. How petty and small things trigger him into harassing the other boy like a big brother ought to treat his little brother, because that was an unspeakable bond between siblings. Gojyo has become a sort of big brother to Goku and he hopes that unlike him, Gojyo will remain that for the boy, because he had given up that right the moment he had walked out of that door, covered in his mother's blood and promises to never set foot in that house again.

It hadn't come as a shock that Gojyo would surround himself with such people and that he's befriended a man with a past as nasty as his own. He's read the files on Cho Hakkai, has looked through all the information he could get his hands on in Ni's data banks—even chancing the man's harassment just for glimmers of info on the pretty boy of a brunette his brother has gotten himself mixed up with. He's curious. He's seen how his brother hangs all over the brunette, hears him whine to him over enemy lines and has seen him throw looks the man's way, looks that a little Gojyo had reserved for their mother, a look full of fondness, blind faith, love, willingness, sincerity and desperation.

It _had_ come as a shock to see that reflected in the redhead's gaze because he believed that Gojyo wouldn't be able to look at someone like that again, not after what had happened.

He'd thought that Gojyo would be into his senseless flings, that he used and substituted woman in for a mother who had spurned him relentlessly. He'd thought Gojyo was scarred from love.

It hadn't come as a shock to him what his corresponding thoughts are to this self-contained revelation, because he's always wanted his little brother back, substituted in Kougaiji unfairly and used his image as a balm on his wounded heart. It's like he's looking at his little brat of a brother all over again when he catches Gojyo sneaking in looks at the brunette. It's like he's seeing his little brother with crimson buds fisted nervously in his hands and waiting for the right time to give them to their mother.

And it hadn't come as a shock to him that he wants to close his eyes and relive those moments, because those eyes give him hope that maybe, one day when all of this is over, Gojyo will be able to look up at him again with those same kid-brother eyes and smile at him and call him Jien-niichan.

**End.**


	19. Boo!

**Title:** Boo!

**Characters:** Goku, Gojyo, Sanzo.

**Timeline:** It's all lies! Lies!

**Summary:** Goku waits. AND POUNCES!

**A/n:** I tell yuh, it never gets old sneaking up on people. Tch, just today I did it.

* * *

Goku, waiting behind the wall for the slimy kappa to come back from his afternoon drinking, grins anticipatorily as he hears the sounds of footsteps approaching. 

He's going to scare the living shit out of Gojyo with the get-up he's wrangled together, the costume consisting of face paint, some form of duck tape, a towel, one of Hakkai's spare monocles, a feather duster and underwear.

Yes. Gojyo is never going to be the same again.

The footsteps are getting closer and holding his breath, Goku waits until he can see a shadow.

He needs it to come closer. A little closer, closer, closer…

Perfect!

Goku pounces out from behind his corner, yelling at the top of his lugs, "Ouga, booga, booga!" His arms flailing widely in the air and the feather duster in his hand now being shaken at his opponent like a knife.

"How do you like tha-" Goku who's too busy shaking his tail feathers now—he'd stuck some feathers back there too-- at the man in front of him suddenly notices that this isn't…Gojyo, but a very wide-eyed Sanzo priest.

Goku stops his shaking and drops the feather duster on the ground.

"I can explain!" He suddenly blurts out when he sees that Sanzo's eyes have not gone back to normal size again.

Sanzo before he can even get the words out puts his hand up to stop him. He shakes his head and then turns around abruptly, walking swiftly down the corridor from which he came from, mumbling something about bad influences and drugs.

Gojyo, _now_ coming back from his drinking passes the distraught monk in the hallway and when he catches sight of Goku at the end of the hall in his get-up, in all his tail feather, face paint, duck tape, monocle, towel, underwear glory, looking both stunned and apologetic, he bursts out laughing.

**End.**


	20. Eight and a Half times more Conspicuous

**Title:** "Eight and a half times more Conspicuous"

**Characters:** Goku/Sanzo

**Timeline:** Reload Gunlock, After Ep.12-Mansion of Marionettes.

**Summary:** Goku just doesn't know when to quit.

**A/n:** Sanzo's so pretty, oh so pretty and witty and…hmm. The title is a direct quote of what Goku said about Sanzo riding around in Jeep in the first manga.

* * *

"I can see why that guy wanted to kidnap you Sanzo." 

"Shut up."

"I mean you're _so_ good-looking."

"Please shut up."

"You're the prettiest person I ever saw."

"Goku, shut up!"

"Everybody's so plain looking when compared to you Sanzo."

"I'll shoot you. I swear to Buddha-"

"I bet you were even prettier when you were younger."

"Why aren't you shutting up?"

"It's like you're on another plain of existence Sanzo."

"I could shoot you and you'd be on another plain of existence too!"

"You're like an angel."

"Eat your food. Don't you see the food in front of you?"

"I like your hair a lot. I've never seen somebody with your kind of hair. It's so shiny."

"Stop it. We're in a restaurant. People can hear you."

"And your eyes. They're purple like…I duh know, but they're really nice."

"People are staring."

"Why don't you wear that crown thingie? You look like royalty when you do, but then again, you probably are, since you _are_ a Sanzo priest."

"I have no problem with activating my Maten Sutra with you right here."

"You're skin's really smooth."

"That's it."

"Not even one scar."

**_"Makai-"_**

"And it's so soft too."

**_"Tenjou!"_**

"Oh and you always look so cool when you're doing that!"

**"DIE!"**

**End.**


	21. Popsicles

**Title:** Popsicles

**Pairing:** Hints of Sanzo/Goku

**Timeline:** Still in my head.

**Summary:** Perverts!

**A/n:** Do not read if even the title offends you.

* * *

It's not only Sanzo who's looking, but practically every other man on the hot, summer sidewalk when Goku, popsicle in hand shoves the _whole thing!_ in his mouth and then promptly proceeds to suck, all the while making the most indecent slurping noises Sanzo has ever heard in his life. 

**End.**


	22. Popsicles Part II

**Title:** Popsicles Part II

**Pairing:** Hints of Sanzo/Goku

**Timeline:** In my dirty dirty head.

**Summary:** The perverts are still there.

**A/n: **(Delayed reaction): There's a second part!

* * *

Sanzo and every other man on the hot, summer sidewalk sigh disappointedly as Goku finished with his popsicle throws the stick away.

"Hey Sanzo, can I have another one?"

Although that disappointment is short lived as the ice-cream man who had also been frozen to his spot by Goku's enthusiastic…sucking, snaps out of trance and gives the young brunette another one, saying it's on the house.

**End. **


	23. Popsicles Part III

**Title:** Popsicles Part III

**Pairing:** More hints of Sanzo/Goku

**Timeline:** Look up at the sky and you might spot it in a cloud.

**Summary:** The perverts hold their breath…

**A/n:** It's not letting go.

* * *

On Goku's tenth popsicle, the boy declares that his mouth is numb, even going so far as to stick his tongue out at Sanzo and show the wide-eyed priest that his tongue is in fact blue. 

Sanzo, feeling his gut doing some funny things waves over the ice-cream man whose face is now ten shades redder since Goku started and proceeds to buy _one_ more popsicle from him.

Every man on the sidewalk holds his breath as Sanzo throws the popsicle at Goku and says flippantly, "Have one more, I'll take you out for some ramen afterwards."

Goku makes a yippee sound and promptly rips the wrapping away and starts all over again.

**End. **


	24. Taking Sides

**Title:** Taking Sides

**Characters:** Gojyo, Goku w/ Sanzo and Hakkai in BG

**Summary:** "Since the day I was born I was always on my side."

**A/n:** Yeah, that's obviously a lie.

* * *

"Sanzo has a gun."

"Hakkai has chi blasts."

"Sanzo can dodge them."

"Well Hakkai can block with his chi barrier."

"Sanzo has the Scriptures."

"Hakkai has a sexy-ass-demon form."

"What does that have to do with anything?" Goku shouts.

"It's downright scarry-ass too!" Gojyo shouts back.

"You two," Hakkai says from the sidelines. "Please don't-"

Gojyo, forgetting their argument had started about who would beat who in a _physical _fight blurts out, "Well Hakkai smells nice."

Goku opens his mouth to counter…but he has nothing, so he agrees. "Yeah Hakkai does smell nice. Sanzo smells like…you." He scrunches up his nose.

Sanzo lifts his head from his paper.

"And he knows how to bake chocolate chip cookies." Gojyo brags like he's talking about himself. He nods his head and closes his eyes, like he's remembering the very taste of those delicious chocolate chip cookies.

"Those are really tasty." Goku's opinion is now swaying with the mention of food and he smiles a little dopily because he's tasted Hakkai's chocolate chip cookies before and they're the best!

"You see," Gojyo explains, "If you join the Hakkai fan club, not only will you get fed better but no one will ever shoot at you."

Sanzo is now glaring at the both of them.

"And again, he smells nicer." Gojyo adds with a nod.

"Yeah!" Goku now a full-blown Hakkai convert agrees and Sanzo pulling out his fan, prepares to take back his fan club by force if necessary.

**End. **


	25. Popsicles Part IV

**Title:** Popsicles Part IV

**Pairing:** Hints of Sanzo/Goku

**Timeline:** I'm running away now.

**Summary:** (I've come back) And so have Hakkai and Gojyo.

**A/n:** Perverts unite! Hi-ya!

* * *

When Gojyo and Hakkai return from doing the group's shopping and take in the sight of all the red-faced men gawking at Goku as he…does _something_ with a popsicle that **should** be banned in some parts of Shangri-la. The immediate response from Hakkai is to shoo all the _dirty, dirty_ perverts away and use his body as a shield so no more dirty, dirty ogling can continue. 

Gojyo, who is now on crowd control shouts, "Okay, break it up. Shows over." He waves a hand at them, watching them hesitantly scatter, grumbling at him all the while for being the dumbass ruiner of one hell of a good show.

Somebody even tries to give Goku a business card.

Hakkai snatches the card from his naive teammate and then proceeds to disinfect the boy's hand, for fear of such a card carrying...germs, what kind of germs though is left up to the imagination.

Gojyo, coming over to sit next to Sanzo on the pavement and noticing that the monk looks more irritatble than usual and his face is a bit red, puts two and two together.

"I guess we interrupted your fun, huh pervert?"

Sanzo pretends like he has no idea what he's talking about.

**End. **


	26. Dork!

**Title:** Dork!

**Characters:** Tenpou, Kenren.

**Timeline: **Gaiden baby!

**Summary:** Tenpou Gensui is tall, dork and handsome.

**A/n:** He's an eccentric, that one. His fashion sense reminds me of…Ni. Weird. Maybe Ni's really the reincarnation of Tenpou. (Holds my head because it hurts now)

* * *

It's been an hour since Tenpou Gensui, book in hand and green tea next to his elbow sat down at his desk to start on his evening reading. And it's been an agonizing hour for one Kenren Taishou, as for that past hour he's been sitting here and watching his Marshall devour the book of choice for the evening. 

He looks at the ominous stack next to Tenpou's other elbow and wishes that he had a paper shredder.

"Tenpou." He calls out.

Tenpou doesn't answer him.

"Tenpou," he calls out again.

Tenpou continues not to answer him, but only licks his index finger and turns a page.

"Tenpou," He's trying really hard to stay calm, but it really rubs him the wrong way when his absent-minded boss stands him up like this. "I thought you said you'd have some free time."

Tenpou turns another page, pauses, blinks down at this new page and then turns back to the previous one.

Kenren audibly groans, because it looks like tonight's plans are cancelled.

"You lost your place again, didn't you?" He says knowingly.

"I was sidetracked by the thought that this couldn't possibly have a good ending."

Kenren sighs, "You are _such_ a dork."

Tenpou lifts his book over his head, as he now seems to be looking for something.

"What's it now?"

"I believe I've lost my bookmarker as well."

Good god. Tenpou Gensui might be a genius in tactical warfare, and he might have this cool, mysterious, commander thing going for him, but…

"You're not even trying to hide the dork factor, are you?"

"You and your colloquialisms." He throws out lightly, like his general hasn't just insulted him. He continues to look for his lost bookmarker and the brush off makes Kenren want to walk out.

Tenpou impervious to his glaring and thoughts of walking out still pursues that lost bookmarker, until he's suddenly side-tracked by something else.

"I don't remember spilling any tea on my coat." He says, as he pinches the affected area and looks up at Kenren like he will be able to give him an answer to this most-important conundrum of how green tea got on his white--kind of wrinkled--coat.

Kenren can't help but be sucked into Tenpou's pace; neither can he stop himself from pointing out something that's always bothered him. "Yuh know. There are…other coats out there. Other…cooler looking coats." He adds when he compares his leather, trench coat to Tenpou's…laboratory coat?

"Kenren can you get me something to wipe this up." Tenpou says still oblivious and still poking at the stain.

"You look like a scientist." Kenren says, eyes squinting because he's now noticed this strange feat.

"Where's that book?" Tenpou is now searching for the book moments ago was in his very hands. He takes off his glasses and wipes the lenses like that's going to drastically make a difference.

It's like all of Tenpou's dork stars are in alignment tonight.

"Glasses, laboratory coat and absentminded, book-wormish tendencies." Kenren checks off on his fingers and he's horrified that he actually has a list going.

"I still can't find that book." Tenpou says breathlessly as he raises his head from where it had been under his desk.

"Dork factor's a little less than hundred." Kenren points out because Tenpou is just continuing to prove his observations true and he wants the man to know where he stands on the scale of life.

"Kenren can you help me. I actually do want to finish that book. It has an amazing history behind it, even though some of the situations are overtop and I admit, I do find myself wondering what the writer was thinking when he came up with that atrocious one-liner. Oh and I would have gotten another copy just in case this happened, but I'd spent all my money on the "_Reverse Rivers"_ and on that book of poetry that actually when you think about it seemed more like a journal."

The only thing Kenren Taishou can say to this is, "Dork factor shot past hundred."

"Opps, I knocked over my green tea. It's spilling. Kenren quick, get something to wipe this up, I have to save my books."

"Dork factor now at two hundred."

"Oh no, not the Chronicles of War Pact, Kenren hurry. The green tea is spreading at an unheard of rate."

WTF.

"Dear god, did you get picked on a lot in school when you were a kid. I mean, you might be scary now, but there's no way a bully could pass up such good bait."

"Kenren, help." Tenpou is now using his coat to mop up the dangerous tide of green tea inching towards his precious books.

**……………… **

Later that day when Marshall Tenpou is lining up his men in ranks, everyone notices that "someone" has bravely stuck a…"Kick the Dork" sign on the brunette's back.

Everyone was too scared to try though.

**End. **


	27. Popsicles Part V

**Title:** Popsicle Part V

**Pairing:** Hints of Sanzo/Goku, Homura/Goku.

**Timeline:** (Shrugs shoulders)

**Summary:** Enter Homura

**A/n:** The creepy ice cream man is starting to grow on me.

* * *

When Homura with company is suddenly standing in front of the Sanzo-ikkou, the god brandishing his disarming smile and enunciating his calm threats to give up the Scripture, among other _things_. Sanzo, still upset about having his fun prematurely cancelled and not in the mood to cater to the whimsical war god, calls forth the ice-cream man, who has been trailing after them for some time now, and then proceeds to…buy a…popsicle from him. 

He then despite the horrified and scandalized looks from Hakkai and Gojyo proceeds to hand the popsicle over to Goku, who does not look horrified or scandalized, but confused at this turn of events.

Sanzo, looking Homura dead in the mismatched eyes tells Goku to eat the damn popsicle and the boy never one to argue with Sanzo or give up free snacks begins.

Homura despite his unflinching demeanor blinks and gapes at the boy a little.

Shien who has _never_ once opened his eyes in the presence of the Sanzo-ikkou discards that insult so he can get a good look at the boy and his…unexpected talents.

Zenon mouth fully open says, "Holy god, look at 'im go."

When Goku finishes, Homura not having expected this form of attack turns to Sanzo and says without any shame or maliciousness, "I concede defeat for the time being."

He turns on his heels and Shien follows, dragging a shell-shocked Zenon behind him.

Sanzo, turning to his comrades says smugly, "I rest my case."

**End.**


	28. Bad Timing Part III

**Title:** Bad Timing Part III

**Characters:** Sanzo-ikkou

**Timeline:** I leave it up to you.

**Summary:** Really bad timing!

**A/n:** Get on the stupid train. GET ON!

* * *

When they all hear the equally distressing shriek that is not all too familiar--but in many strange ways is--they don't expect for Goku to come flying out of the bathroom, towel around his waist and hair soaking wet, yelling about how the demons have found a new, favorite timeslot in which to attack them. 

**End.**


	29. Blood Types

**Title:** Blood Types

**Characters:** Sanzo-ikkou minus Sanzo. How is that even possible?

**Summary:** Sanzo's blood type. It's hit and miss.

**A/n:** If you want a great blood type personality chart, go to Wikipedia.

* * *

"He's definitely a Type A." Hakkai says to Gojyo. 

"So you really think that stuff's on the money," the hanyou asks as Goku, sneaking up behind the two, tries to get a look at the book in Hakkai's lap.

"Lemme see. What d'you guys doing?"

Gojyo ignores Goku and asks, "Hey, read me that list-"

"Hey, what are you guys _doing_?" Goku says louder as he sticks his head between them and waits for an answer.

"Get out of here runt." Gojyo bats crossly at the air that Goku's head is currently taking up.

"C'mon. Hakkai, let me see!"

Hakkai physically incapable of denying a child the joys of learning—despite the material--tips the book in his direction.

Gojyo huffs, "He's not going to get it."

"Wow." Goku looks amazed. "So what does that mean?"

"I told you so."

"Shush Gojyo." Hakkai says. "This is a blood type analysis chart. It's believed that people can tell what certain personality traits they possess by looking up their blood types here."

Goku looks down at the chart and reads the section that says Type A.

"Hey this sounds like Sanzo."

"Doesn't it?" Hakkai laughs.

"Yeah he's definitely perfect."

"Um…monkey that said perfectionist. Not perfect."

"He's patient."

"Where the fuck has your head been? It's always, 'hurry up Hakkai, drive faster Hakkai, we can't spend too much time in this shit-forsaken town Hakkai, where's my nicotine Gojyo, someone take this pole out of my ass, I'll leave that to you Goku.'" Gojyo says with a decent mimicry of Sanzo's voice.

Goku looks torn for a minute before he looks down at the chart again and points, "Um..let's see, he's punctual? Whaz that mean?"

"He's on time, Goku."

"That sounds like Sanzo then."

"He's punctual when he wants to kill somebody."

Goku looks at the list again, "Conservative? These words are big."

"It means he's-"

"A crusty, old man."

"What about Intro…verted?"

"He's quiet."

"Stop prettying up the situation Hakkai. He's a goddamn hermit."

"Reserved?"

"He holds his emotions back. That's a very good descriptor for Sanzo."

Goku thinks this over and then promptly stands up.

"Whoa, whoa, monkey. Where the hell you goin'? We haven't even gone through the whole list."

"Yeah, you have" Goku says.

"What about the bad traits?"

"Sanzo has none." Goku says matter-of-factly.

"Oh for the love of…" Gojyo points at the red bolded box under the positive aspects of Type A's, "Obsessive, stubborn, self-conscious and uptight. Do these ring any bells in that hollow head of yours? There's at least gotta be an echo."

Hakkai also calls attention to more unforgotten text, "Don't forget about 'good with plants'."

Everybody blinks and then they all simultaneously picture Sanzo watering a flower.

They all burst out laughing.

Sanzo sneezes in the next room.

**End. **


	30. Blood Types Part II

**Title:** Blood types Part II

**Characters:** Sanzo-ikkou, hints all around.

**Summary:** Gojyo is a type B.

**A/n:** In the exact words from the Wikipedia chart, Type B's are said to be creative, passionate, animal loving, optimistic, flexible, individualistic, forgetful, irresponsible and self centered. Sounds about right.

* * *

"Let's try to figure out which blood type you are Gojyo," Hakkai says, as he flips over to a book-marked page.

Sanzo who has taken up his usual spot at a table so he can flip idly through the newspaper doesn't pay the pair any mind. Neither does the monkey sitting to the monk's right, who is waiting patiently for the much coveted comics section.

Gojyo waves his hand at the man, "Are you still going on about that? There's no way some book could predict my actions…so…yeah." He finishes lamely.

"Hmm, let's see," Hakkai says, determined to put his book to good use as his finger travels over the page and lights up on the section of choice. "Ah yes. You're a type B."

He doesn't want to know, but if Hakkai's going to be so stubborn about it then…

"Okay…whaz it say then?"

"Type B's are Creative."

Gojyo suddenly feels his chest swelling a bit, "Well…I do play an interesting game of poker."

"They're also very passionate."

Gojyo cups his chin and thinks this over, "You do have a point there. I am great in bed."

Goku is now simulating sticking his finger down his throat and Sanzo wholeheartedly agrees.

"They're animal loving."

"Sure. I love the critters. I got more than enough love left over from the ladies, so why not share."

"Optimistic."

"The fights never over until the last man drops dead."

"Flexible."

"I'm not exaggeratin' boys and monkeys when I say I'm _great_ in bed."

Goku is now making gaggin' noises and Sanzo thinks this is the most logical conversation he's ever had with the boy.

"Individualist." Hakkai says and watches Gojyo shake his head and agree with him.

"Why be apart of the flock when I can lead 'em? Birds love me."

And everyone knows that Gojyo's not talking about actual birds.

"That is true." Hakkai agrees.

And Sanzo can't help but say what's coagulating in his and his monkey's brain, because this is just too sickening to witness.

"God, just get a room."

"No kidding." Goku agrees and he's still making gaggin' noises.

"Shut it peons. No speaking to me unless you have great legs." Gojyo turns to the brunette next to him "Carry on Hakkai." Gojyo motions and Hakkai smiles and starts up again.

"It also says here that Type B's are forgetful."

Gojyo's smile leaves his face.

"They're irresponsible too."

"I'm suddenly reminded why I didn't want to do this shit in the first place. These things are always completely bogus. You can't depend on them for accurate information.

"That's you, not the book." Sanzo points out sagely.

"Shut the hell up. Didn't I just say not to talk to me?"

"They're also very self-centered."

Gojyo turns his irritation on Hakkai. "I though you were on my side?"

"I am."

"Then what the hell's all this, backstabber?"

Hakkai points down at the book and Gojyo warily looks.

"Look, you see, we're very compatible." Hakkai points out like that will solve everything.

It does, for all those who wanted to know.

"Really?" Gojyo successfully side-tracked ponders this turn of events. "Hey yeah it does say that. Ha…makes sense don't yuh think?" He winks at Hakkai and they're laughing and Sanzo abruptly interrupts their fun by saying he needs to throw up…now!

Goku is shaking his head as he follows after Sanzo, tsking at them the whole while, "How could you betray me like this Hakkai?" Goku asks melodramatically before running out of the room like a scorned teenager.

Oh wait.

"Types A and O, they're natural enemies of B and AB, right?

"I'm not sure. Let me check."

**End. **


	31. Blood Types Part III

**Title:** Blood Types Part III

**Characters:** Sanzo-ikkou

**Summary:** It's Goku's turn.

**A/n:** Type O's are Ambitious, athletic, robust, self-confident, natural leaders, arrogant, vain, insensitive and ruthless.

* * *

The Sanzo-ikkou is currently in the fight of their life.

Well actually Goku is in the fight of his life while the rest of them just sit back in jeep and watch.

Because the little monkey has _way _too much energy and Sanzo's thinks it's a good way to tire him out.

Thus the fighting alone.

"Nyoi-bo!"

All three men cringe when they hear the resounding crack of Goku's weapon connecting with a demon's head.

After the cringing, they all find themselves rather…bored as they sit in jeep and watch Goku knock around demons like pin balls. That shit can only be entertaining for a couple of minutes.

However, Hakkai ever the lookout for new and interesting things to try, pulls out his blood analysis book.

Gojyo looks at it and groans. "You're obsessed."

Hakkai ignores him and opens the book and shoves it under Sanzo's nose. "Try to figure out which one is Goku." The brunette says, attempting to get Sanzo to join in on the categorizing fun.

Sanzo takes one look at the list and snorts, "Get the hell away from me."

Gojyo adds, "Oh, does the great Sanzo-sama miss his newspaper? You need to broaden your horizons, man."

"How 'bout I _broaden_ your horizons?" Sanzo remarks and pulls his gun out.

"Sanzo," Hakkai calls again, strangely stubborn to prove his point. "It's actually quite fun."

Sanzo gives the man a 'what are you drinking, smoking and eating' look.

Hakkai smiles.

"Uh…" Sanzo says before looking down and checking out this strange phenomenon of a book that has Hakkai so damn intrigued.

It takes him less than a second to figure out which one is Goku, "Type O."

Gojyo, leaning over from the backseat glances at the book. "Yep, the monkey is definitely ambitious." He says while they witness Goku take on the remaining twenty demons with one hand behind his back and promises to keep his eyes closed. "Cocky bastard too."

"You mean self-confident Gojyo?" Hakkai corrects.

"Damn jock." Sanzo says this time, while they watch Goku, who is still breathing normally and not breaking into a sweat, jump from demon to demon, doling out equally exhaustive-looking punishment.

"He's very athletic and robust." Hakkai chirps happily and Gojyo and Sanzo look at the brunette and wonder what the fuck is going through his head as he points to the those exact words in the chart.

Sanzo looks over to the book and he raises an eyebrow at the next descriptor. "Natural leader?" He pictures what it would be like if Goku were in charge of this journey westward and he tries to not asphyxiate on the thought, because it's only a thought, it can't cause him any real harm…right?

"Oh…I guess these are rather off kilter," Hakkai says as he points to the words "arrogant" and "vain."

Gojyo has a thought, "What if those are just describing his…other half, yuh know?"

Sanzo and Hakkai share a look.

"Well that is true."

Gojyo, leaning over some more points at another word in the book, "Don't forget this 'insensitive' business. Remember, that fucker sure wasn't feeling sensitive when he was gnawing into my goddamn forearm."

Well Gojyo did have a point there. Seiten Taisei was…

"Aha," Gojyo pointed at the word "ruthless".

Somewhere off in the distance they could all hear the shrieks--quite girly shrieking, they might add--of demons as they were being…the other three men actually didn't want to imagine what those demons were going through right now.

"God help us!"

"Stop being such a pansy!" They heard Goku call out as he ran after the demons who were unfortunate enough to still be alive.

**End.**


	32. Blood Types Part IV

**Title:** Blood Types Part IV

**Pairing:** Gojyo/Hakkai

**Timeline: **Three years ago.

**Summary:** Type AB's are cool, controlled, rational, sociable, popular, emphatic, aloof, critical, indecisive and unforgiving.

**A/n:** Part IV's a bit different from the others because these are from Gojyo's observations, but they still demonstrate Hakkai's AB personality. I bolded the descriptors so they'd be easy to pick out.

* * *

"Oi, get out of the way, yuh damn brats." Gojyo shoves an armful of children out of his way, not wanting to spend another minute out in the courtyard for fear of one of the buggers touching him and giving him some form of cooties or…lice…or whatever kids catch these days. 

It takes a special kind of person to surround himself in this shit for an entire day.

And it takes a special kind of person to be able to get Sha Gojyo to come out of the dark, dank, safe hole of a bar he'd been preoccupying just five minutes ago and into the bright, noisy light of a school courtyard.

"Hey, you know where I can find ah this teacher?" Gojyo asks sounding and feeling irrepressibly stupid. "His name's Hakkai, although you probably call him sensei or some wimpy shi—Mr. Cho or something." Then Gojyo goes onto describe his friend to the older woman whose hands are filled with books and eyes with patience and understanding that says she's used to dumb questions. "He's this brunette, real young looking, wears a monocle although he's probably wearing his glasses today since I think he lost…ah so you know where I can find him?"

She nods her head and tells him where he can find the class, even going so far as to commandeer a student for the purposes of a guide.

It's been a loooong time since Sha Gojyo has set foot in a school. It's been even longer since he's actually listened to a teacher lecture as he stands outside Hakkai's classroom, right next to the open door and out of view.

The little buggers…ahem the children are actually listening to what Hakkai has to say, they're all so enraptured by his words and it's not a long stretch to guess that Hakkai's a **popular** figurehead in this school. Hakkai's naturally popular with kids. Heck, he's naturally popular with adults too, even those assholes at the bar on account of him being so **sociable. **Even when he's cleaning them out in poker, they just can't hate the guy on the fact that he's smiling the entire time and encouraging them to try harder, a teacher in every respect.

He's a different type of popular than Gojyo. He's wholesome and intelligent and people—however they deny it—are suckers for a pretty face, and believe him when he says those guys down at the bar don't mind half as much as they should, when they have some pretty thing to distract them from their steadily emptying wallets.

Hakkai's no pushover either, despite his nice guy attitude. This class probably already learned that the hard way. He's probably already shown them that **cool** and **controlled **side, the one that will answer reluctance and petulance with **rationalized **thoughts, with **emphatic** words that will sound strange and disquieting coming from him when he's still smiling, eyes in that amused crescent shape, mouth upturned but wholly unrepentant.

Tch. But even these kids have never seen Hakkai at his worst. When he discreetly **criticizes** and nags him about his habits, or when those habits get to be _too_ much, how **unforgiving **he can be. No one's ever seen it—well except for his enemies, god bless their souls— but when Hakkai gets angry, he gets properly ticked. He'll still talk to you, but unfortunately it's with a clipped tone and a fake smile that could send you to hell and back in a nice and neat ribbon-wrapped hand basket.

He's stubbornly **aloof** about it too, to the point where it can drive a man up a wall and keep him there for days and days of on end of torturous, awkward silence and looks.

He can be strangely **indecisive** about little things, like what to make for dinner, or what books to stock his collection with, or which shirt to wear, but when it's life threatening, when the world rests on his shoulders, he chooses his path swiftly and sagely, like the hard choices in life aren't where he falters. Gojyo finds himself jealous of the man's calm head in tight situations, because it always makes him look bad.

He's supposed to be the cool one here.

It was like life was out to prove a point to him when it had dropped a bleeding Hakkai in his path. That maybe he should have paid more attention in school, or tried to look outside the box that he had built around himself, because surely there was something to be said about a school teacher that was _actually _cooler than your card hustling, playboy, chain smoking bad boy.

It confused the hell out of him how the world worked sometimes, but he'd accepted it after the fact that all the broods at the bar were always 'oh Hakkai this', or 'oh Hakkai that', or 'where's Hakkai?' And that in some cruel twist of fate, he had also become one of those groupies, because damn Hakkai had a pretty face and a nice body and he was probably going to try to score with him in the very--very--near future.

And so…hence the reason why he was standing in front of Hakkai's classroom, waiting for the man to be finished so he could whisk him away and try to get into his pants.

Hakkai oblivious to these life-alternating decisions was currently answering raised hands in a sensible, orderly fashion.

Gojyo determined he would be here for a while.

**End.**


	33. ParentTeacher Conference

**Title:** Parent/Teacher Conference.

**Characters:** Hints of Gojyo/Hakkai

**Timeline:** 3 years ago.

**Summary:** Gojyo has a runaway at home.

**A/n:** Oh boy. If even the title offends you, do not cross this line.

* * *

It's parent teacher night and Hakkai has to stay back and answer questions that go along the line of "My son doesn't do his homework?" or "Why are her grades so low?" or "Can you please keep working with her?" 

Although all is not negative as most _is_ very much positive in the classroom of Cho Hakkai, as he smiles along with the more frequent exclamations of "I've never see Mei so excited for school," or "Shui talks about you all the time" or "this is the first time my Zhen is studying for a class"

Hakkai is proud of his students.

The other teachers who are not so fortunate, are sneaking in sake in between cigarette breaks to deal with the hysterical parents and their shouting of "Why are you failing my child!" or "Give her another chance!" or "He was supposed to be a scholar and follow in my footsteps!"

Hakkai is _very_ proud of his students since they all seem to have relatively calm (sane) parents and the majority of his students, if not all are working very hard. He has nothing to fear from teacher-parent conference night, unlike the rest of the teachers, who have now middle age balding to worry about on top of why Mrs. Kuan-yin doesn't understand that her son is skipping classes, that's why his grades are so damn low.

Having a relatively well-behaved class is a beautiful thing and as Hakkai is sipping his tea and leafing through his students' grades with a self-satisfied smile, who is to show up none other than…

"Oi, I'm lonely at home. What the hell you still doing here?" Gojyo walks in like an angry parent and it's the first Hakkai's seen all night.

"What may I do for you?" Hakkai says smoothly, playfully as he sees Gojyo walking over to his desk and sitting in the chair specifically designed for curious parents.

"Huh?" Gojyo asks, and then Hakkai repeats himself, his eyes flashing and his smile minimal as to show the kappa that he means "business."

After a couple of confused seconds Gojyo gets it. "Well…" he starts up conversationally, "I'm very unhappy about the service this school provides." He says professionally and he nods his head at Hakkai.

"Is that so? Well, how can **I **be of service?" Hakkai says, his eyes laughing but his mouth and voice contained.

"Well you see I have a runaway at home." He says and then he fakes a troubled look. "Every time I turn my back, he's already out the door. I just can't take it anymore, so I've come here to humbly ask for your advice, _sen-sei_." Gojyo sounds almost too convincing and Hakkai wonders if the kappa's ever thought of becoming an actor.

"Well," Hakkai puts a hand under his chin and stares Gojyo right in the eyes teasingly, "Are there any _problems_ at home?"

Gojyo fakes an insulted look, "I don't appreciate what you're implying there. I happen to spoil 'im rotten."

Hakkai purses him lips at Gojyo, "Oh, but maybe that's why he ran away. You were giving in too much and he saw this. Maybe it's a cry for help."

"Oh, I'll make him cry for help," Gojyo says under his breath.

"What was that?" Hakkai singsongs, hand coming up to his ear.

"Oh nothing sensei. I was just wondering if this is a case of spare the rod, spoil the child. Yuh know?"

Hakkai cocks his head, "Why that's very astute of you. I believe it _is_ the case, Mr. Sha."

Gojyo grins because nobody's ever called him Mr. Sha before. He wipes it quickly off his face though because that's highly unprofessional and continues on. "So, I have to _punish_ him?" And the way Gojyo says the word punish, you would think he had something entirely else in mind.

"Yes I believe so." Hakkai says with a resigned sigh, like he wishes he could do something about these 'most unfortunate events' even though his eyes say something else.

"Well then I have no choice." Gojyo stands up from the chair with a note of finality, like he's carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. He spots a ruler on Hakkai's desk and grabs it.

He slaps it hard to his palm.

"Okay Hakkai bend over."

**End. **


	34. Happy Birthday!

**Title:** Happy Birthday

**Pairing:** Hints of Sanzo/Goku.

**Timeline:** Some months before the Journey began.

**Summary:** Goku's presents.

**A/n:** This is what happens when you don't want to do homework.

* * *

On Goku's 15th birthday--a birthday that Sanzo had picked for him after painstaking decision that it seemed like the least likely day to annoy him and there needed to be something to balance out Goku's very annoying personality--Goku had received a huge meal in his honor, some ridiculously childish toy that made Goku squeal like a rutting pig and a pat on the head from Sanzo. 

On Goku's 16th birthday, he had received another ridiculously childish toy--still squealing, a couple of books as instructed by Hakkai, another pat on the head, and promises to not use the harisen (today) unless Goku annoyed him so much that he _had_ to use it.

On Goku's 17th birthday, he had received another book minus the childish toy, and Goku had bothered Sanzo so much about said missing childish toy that Sanzo threw his preconceptions out the window. The ones that almost believed for a split second there that Gokuwould_ maybe_ be insulted by something so childish and brightly colored. Sanzo had taken him out into the fairgrounds that afternoon and bought him snapping dragons that afterwards, when they had returned to the temple, Goku had used wisely and thrown at the feet of the monks who had come to bother him about stupid, trifle matters. Sanzo thought that the gift was something that both of them could enjoy. He patted Goku on the head.

On Goku's 18th birthday, he received an uncomfortable pat on the head, some uncomfortable shuffling, a cleared throat and a gift-wrapped box. Goku ripped the present open and found himself staring at…

A key?

Goku looked at Sanzo expectantly.

Sanzo cleared his throat.

Goku wondered if the key opened his actual present and squealed because the fact that there was something very cool on the way made him want to tackle Sanzo into the floor. He repressed the urge though and instead hopped around on his feet.

Sanzo didn't say anything but just walked off down the hallway with Goku hopping like an idiot behind him. He stopped in front of his bedroom door; the only door in the temple that actually locked and then made a 'go-ahead' motion towards the door.

Goku stared at him like an expectant puppy.

Sanzo, remembering that his charge was of the slow kind snatched the key from him and opened the door with it.

Goku still didn't get it.

Sanzo swung the door _sloowwllly_ back and forth on its hinges so Goku would get a clue as to what his present was.

"Ohhhh." Goku walked through the door and then walked right back out. "Wait, this is the present?" He asked and Sanzo forcefully shoved him back inside because NO! There was still more to come.

Two days later when Hakkai had asked Goku what Sanzo had given him for his birthday after dispersing gifts from Gojyo and himself, Goku had answered him in a strangely mature tone that it wasn't what Sanzo had given him, it was more like what Sanzo had taken from him.

**End. **


	35. Strained Acquaintances

**Title:** Strained Acquaintances

**Characters:** Gojyo, Banri.

**Timeline:** 3 years ago, Burial Chapters.

**Summary:** Banri and Gojyo's conversation after Hakkai went to tutor Goku.

**A/n:** When Banri says, "honey" here, he says it in Engrish, for all you who don't know what Engrish is, it's when Japanese speakers say English words and you can hear the accent. Trust me everything sounds cooler in Engrish.

* * *

Banri tips his beer bottle in Gojyo's direction and it clinks against his in cheers. 

"To the good ole' days when you didn't have a wife." Banri baits him, knocking his bottle back and taking a big swig.

Gojyo takes a sip from his own bottle--the eighth one--and frowns off the man sitting across from him.

"The ole' ball and chain." Banri says again, just to slam it home that he doesn't like Gojyo's new friend.

"Hakkai's a good guy. Don't gimme grief about him." Gojyo says, and he's flicking some hair out of his face and he still has that frown on his face.

"Whatever you say, honeymooner."

"I said cut that shit out."

"Damn Gojyo, chill out. I'm just bustin' your balls. Don't gotta take everything so personally. Unless you don't like me talking about your _honey_."

Gojyo even through the slight buzz he's feeling right now, still has enough mind to want to smash his beer bottle against Banri's forehead.

Damn, he had forgot for a dumb second there how fucking annoying this guy could be.

"Remind me why you shacked up with some guy and not some pretty thing. Although…" He gives a long dramatic pause, "He's hella pretty. I bet you could sell him and make a killing in one night."

"Enough." Gojyo says, and it somehow strikes a nerve with him for Banri to be dissing Hakkai like that. "Shut yuh damn mouth up. I ain't in the mood."

"You drunk already."

"No, you? I can tell. You slurring."

"Tch, I was born slurring, dumbass. Unlike some ah us that speak all proper and fancy-free like."

Damn. Gojyo was really getting sick of how Banri wouldn't drop the subject of Hakkai.

"Seriously, what's your problem?"

"My problems that guy. You betta tell your friend to stop looking at me like that, like he's judging me or something. That's why I don't like those kinds."

"Geez you're paranoid. Hakkai's the nicest guy you'll meet. He wouldn't do that shit."

"Look at you. Defending your boyfriend. Ready to put that ring on his finger."

"Fuck off."

"Not interested. I'm not into guys."

"I told you to drop that shit. Me and Hakkai are just friends."

"Okay, you don't gotta plead your case so hard." Banri looks around and makes a simple 'hmm' noise that Gojyo knows shouldn't annoy him half as much as it does right now.

He finds himself unable to back down from the challenge in that voice. "What?"

"He cleans for you?"

Oh Jesus. "Yeah."

"He cooks for you too?" Banri spots a plastic wrapped bowl on an immaculately clean kitchen countertop.

"Uh huh."

Banri then cocks his head in the direction of the bedroom and flecks his bored looking eyes over the neatly made bed.

"That the only bed in this place?"

Die. Fucker. Die!

"So?"

"Hmm." Banri makes another annoying noise and Gojyo just wants to kick him in the temple, right where that bulls eye of a demon birthmark resides. Banri waves off his glare, "S'nothing. S'nothing at all."

And Gojyo can't help but secretly hope that when Hakkai gets home that he'll kick Banri into the floor and use his spiky-no-eyebrow-head as a disposable counter rag, because seriously that would teach the fucker that people's outsides didn't always match up with their ins.

"This place smells like fucking soap."

Gojyo prays that when Hakkai kicks Banri's teeth in--because he knows it's bound to happen sometime in the very, very near future--that the brunette will make the asshole cry like a little girl with gum in her hair.

**End. **


	36. Godsends

**Title:** Godsends

**Characters:** Sanzo, Goku

**Timeline:** b/f the Journey

**Summary:** Certain rumors circulate in the temple.

**A/n:** I switch povs in the middle, because this thing seemed to write itself.

* * *

There's a certain rumor going around the corridors of Chang'an temple that the most holy priest Genjyo Sanzo…isn't as "pure" as he ought to be. Especially when his young (underage!) charge can be seen walking away from Genjyo Sanzo's room come some days with nothing more than some flimsy shorts! 

They do not approach Genjyo Sanzo on these matters because it is too indecent and wrong. Some monks, however—the nosier kind—are brave enough to try and corner Priest Genjyo Sanzo and talk about such…matters. After all, he is a young man, it is only natural for a young man to…vent, especially when his…_ventilation_ is walking around in shorts that shouldn't be worn anywhere near a monastery, much less in it!

The brave ones however, always very quickly lose their nerve as they see Genjyo Sanzo steamroll through the corridors, a most angered look on his pleasant features as he glares at anyone who dares come within several feet of him. He curses quite loudly and no one tell him that such language shouldn't be used by one so esteemed that he has a red pathway to the gods dotted on his forehead.

"You stupid, feeble-brained, fucking chimp. Get your ass over here now!"

Suddenly his young charge is running out of wherever it was he had been hiding—the wrath of this priest can cause such a reaction—with food in his hand and a smile on his face.

"Hey Sanzo."

Impudence.

This child obviously doesn't know his place and many of the monks have been sorely tempted to pull him aside and explain to him that he shouldn't address Genjyo Sanzo so cavalierly. However any such attempts to get near the boy is always thwarted by his most excellence, since Genjyo Sanzo doesn't let them anywhere near the boy either.

Genjyo Sanzo grabs the child by the arm and takes off in the direction of his quarters, harisen in hand as he openly hits him in the head and yells that his inkwell is not to used without his permission and certainly not be used to draw up pictures of sunshine and hills and pretty flowers and puppies.

They do not understand why such a child—he is sixteen years and still such a child—is not thrown out on his backside by the great, most holy, and promising Genjyo Sanzo.

So to explain this mystery, rumors have taken root.

**…………. **

Sanzo, who is more than familiar with these rumors has found himself strangely welcoming to them, as some of the priests in the temple do not come near him because of such rumors, although it has its ups and downs as many of the other nosy priests have tried to sequester him for individual advice columns.

When that happens, he neither denies nor agrees with the rumors, because it is much more beneficial for him this way.

For instance.

In about two seconds there will be a congressional of monks crowding outside his door in preparation to ask for his advice, and his evening prayer, and all breeds of irritating request.

"Oi, saru get up." He demands, and Goku who's been lying on the ground and reading the comics section of his newspaper, stands up and looks at Sanzo curiously.

Show time.

Sanzo, pressing his palm to Goku's throat pushes him up against the door--the very same door that separates him from the annoying priests--with a loud thud and Goku's startled cry.

All murmuring desists behind the door and it gets dreadfully quiet.

Sanzo, waiting for such a cue, cracks his knuckles and walks into Goku's personal space. He leans down slightly, and Goku is looking up at him with those impossibly golden eyes, his mouth a little open as Sanzo comes closer.

Sanzo puts his hands on Goku's sides, right in the inside bend of each elbow…

And then he commences to tickle him senseless.

"Ow…haha…Sanzo, not there!"

"That hurts!"

"Stop, stop." Goku sounds breathless and he squirms and thumps against the door when Sanzo forces him back by the light hold on his throat.

"Sanzo!" Goku screeches and it's just the right pitch to sound…

The dreadful quiet has now become distracted whistling and scuffing sandals as each monk beats a fast retreat from the door, their business with Sanzo no longer that important.

Sanzo is laughing on the inside.

When he finishes with Goku and the boy pushes him away grumpily, talking about he just had lunch and it hurts his stomach when Sanzo plays tickle fight with him like that, Sanzo gives the tired old excuse—since he's used this method countless times before—that he looked like he needed the exercise. He then goes onto kick the boy out of his room with another excuse that it's getting late and Goku has yet to take his bath.

Sanzo is still laughing on the inside when Goku runs out of his room and heeds his normal request to leave behind his shirt and pants for "laundry purposes." Never mind that Goku is just helping the cause—Sanzo's cause—by walking out there and being seen by many a monk in his underwear, and driving a further wedge between the proper and duty bound mass and himself.

Rumors, eh?

They should be called godsends.

**End.**


	37. A Plus

**Title:** A+

**Pairing:** Gojyo/Hakkai

**Timeline:** B/f the Journey.

**Summary:** A certain schoolteacher, a locked classroom, and a Gojyo. Must I say more?

**A/n:** Porn! It's definitely porn.

* * *

Hakkai, sitting on a corner of his desk, his long legs crossed at the knees, one hand braced behind him while the other is held out in front and is curled inward, invites the redhead standing outside his classroom door to come in. 

He places his finger over his mouth to let the other man know that he must be quiet, but Gojyo doesn't really understand the need for quiet when the little teeny-boppers have already scampered off to lunch and there's a good twenty minutes before they come back. Although Gojyo can't seem to complain on much of anything right now, not with Hakkai sitting on his desk and looking all kinds of kinky.

"Gojyo can you lock the door behind you."

Jackpot.

"I am _so _horny." Gojyo breaths out relieved that he doesn't have to suffer another second. He doesn't even try to hide his reasons for the visit as he gets his hands on the brunette's waist and pulls him to the edge of the desk and goes in for a kiss.

"Down boy." Hakkai says mock seriously and he suddenly has Gojyo by the ear.

"Ow, c'mon."

Hakkai tugs his ear and then lets go. "You have to address me properly when I'm in the classroom." Hakkai smiles as he finishes and it's like Gojyo's bargaining with the devil.

"Yes sensei." He says, and somehow it doesn't sound that respectable, especially when Gojyo is already slipping his hands under the man's knees. Hakkai gives him a chastising look, before Gojyo, grinning like an idiot lifts and has Hakkai, prim and proper in his neatly pressed pants and shirt, on his back, knees in the air.

Hakkai, throwing his hands out, grabs both sides of the desk, while Gojyo already fitting himself inside, clamps his mouth firmly on the white, soft throat in front of him as he thrusts into the warm body below .

They're making a lot of noise, but they don't really care, as they've done this in the classroom on more than one occasion and in many a public place. No one has walked in on them yet, so they can't complain about topography.

When they finish and Gojyo pants back to earth, he unclenches his death grip on Hakkai's waist and unwinds the brunette's legs from around his back.

Hakkai, sitting up and fixing his clothes, smoothing his hands over the now wrinkled front of his shirt and straightening his glasses—they stayed on this time—breaths out a contented sigh. "You get an A+ for effort." The brunette says, trying to sound nonchalant about the whole thing, but failing as it comes out more breathless. He's still sitting on his desk because he doesn't trust himself to walk right now. His throat must sound a mess, and he's not sure if he can teach his afternoon class like this.

"Don't I get an A for technique too?" Gojyo asks and he looks to be in about the same predicament as his friend.

"I don't give grades out, I'll have you know. You have to earn them, but I think you'll be up to the task of _extra credit_."

Gojyo, smirking at the brunette at his side can't help but like where this is going.

**End. **


	38. No Place is Safe

**Title:** No Place is Safe.

**Pairing:** Gojyo/Hakkai

**Timeline:** B/f the Journey.

**Summary:** Wherever they can get it.

**A/n: **Dedicated to Edgirl and Crim, not exactly extra cred, but it has to do w/ public spaces and hey it's PORN!

* * *

They've done it in every room and on every hard, semi-stable surface of the house. 

They've done it on the kitchen counter; on the table that Banri had knocked back a couple of cold ones with Gojyo—several times—on the bedroom floor because obviously they couldn't make it to the bed, against the wall in the living room, against the front door because again couldn't make it, and in the shower.

However this list of places isn't just confined to the house, because there is something to be said about doing it in a place that is in no way safe, especially when someone can walk in at anytime, or for the least, hear them.

They've done it on Hakkai's desk and in his chair at the local school he teaches. They've done it in the flower field that is just a pleasant walk away from their house. They've done it standing up and dirty in one of those little alleyways that always precede the bars where Gojyo makes his money. They've done it _in _one of those smoky bars, with Hakkai's hand down Gojyo's pants and a smile on his face as he watched Gojyo completely lose the game and something else.

They've even done it in Chang'an temple on one of those innocent visits they normally make and yes, they realize that they're probably going to go to hell for it--or a number of other reasons-- because it was in one of those prayer rooms and there was a Buddha statue two kicks away from them.

Yes, name it and they've had sex on it, or under it, or propped up against it…

Which is why finally, _finally_ someone has caught them, because it was bound to happen and they can't run from the possibility anymore.

The ironic thing though, is that they catch them while they're in their bed.

In their own house.

With the door shut.

Goku had screamed only once and then ran out like he was dying of the plague.

Sanzo had only dropped his cigarette and then when he realized what he'd done, he lit another one, blew out some smoke plumes and then shut the door behind him, calling out that he had just come to thank them for scaring the priests in his temple with their little side activity and that no one was ever, _ever_ going to step foot in that prayer room again.

**End. **


	39. Cat Fight

**Title:** Cat Fight

**Pairing:** Hints of one-sided Goku/Sanzo, Hazel/Sanzo.

**Timeline:** Reload Gunlock.

**Summary:** Meow! Scratch. scratch.

**A/n:** Hazel's southern accent rocks in the manga. It really does. And on another note, this is like completely cracked out and stupid. I had fun though.

* * *

"I don't like that guy." Goku said as Hazel was making himself comfortable next to Sanzo, the priest looking only uncomfortable as the other sidled up to him like a cat. 

"My, my up close like tis' your eyes are very strikin'."

Sanzo, trying to squirm away was blocked off from any escape routes by the big, wall-like body of Gato.

"I really don't like that guy." Goku said again, as he eyed Hazel and the hand that kept fluttering this way and that in front of Sanzo and getting steadily closer.

"You betta go protect your piece of the pie then," Gojyo said sarcastically, but Goku didn't pick up on the sarcasm, only the word "protect" and "pie".

He marched forward then, latched onto Sanzo's arm and stared Hazel right in the eyes.

Sanzo didn't know what to make out of this, but if it got that creepy, clingy bastard to back the hell off, then he was all for it.

Hazel's clear, diamond blue eyes cut into Goku's golden ones like a knife through hot butter.

Sanzo suddenly felt really, really awkward.

"Isn't he just the sweetest lil' thing." Hazel said, and you could feel the spite practically rolling off of him in waves.

When Sanzo wasn't looking, Goku stuck his tongue out at the man across from him.

Hazel reacted by clenching his white-gloved hands and smiling shakily at the boy, "Oh, but run along now. The grown-ups were having a nice _chat_."

Goku responded to this by tightening his arms around Sanzo's forearm and simultaneously pressing it to his chest.

Gojyo and Hakkai both shared a look and then Gojyo, nudging the brunette, singsonged under his breath, "Catfighttttt."

Hazel not used to such stubbornness, looked at his subordinate like the bigger—much bigger—man was supposed to do something.

Gato stared back and didn't do anything.

Hazel sighed quite loudly and then he was reaching his hand out and taking Sanzo's other arm.

Gojyo and Hakkai both shared another look, one that fully said that Hazel was fucking bonkers to be grabbing Sanzo like that when everyone knew that the blond priest was a trigger happy motha-fo.

However, since Goku had captured Sanzo's other hand, things _might_ not result in someone being capped in the knees.

"Come now, I really must discuss some things with Mister Sanzo." Hazel said, and you could hear the forced politeness in his voice and see the agitation in the way he was yanking impatiently at Sanzo's arm.

"Sanzo, I'm hungry." Goku whined, as he looked up at his keeper with big, wobbly golden-brown eyes and a pout, all the while still tugging on Sanzo's arm.

Gojyo nudged Hakkai and said under his breath "Twisted love triangle."

And so while said twisted, love triangle steadily turned into twisted tug of war, both Hakkai and Gojyo and even Gato by the bad influence of both Hakkai and Gojyo had set down a betting pool.

It was two to one.

Go figure.

"Let go!"

"Now little boys mustn't act that way with their elders."

Sanzo, for the first time in his life had not resorted to easy violence and scathing words, because right now he was too damn dumfounded to even lift his pinky finger.

Gojyo nudging Hakkai said, "Hey, think we should throw them in a mudpit and charge."

Hakkai took some time to think about this, "Hmm, I suppose we could. Although I don't think Mr. Grosse would like to get his fine clothing dirty."

**End. **


	40. Jealous Boyfriend

**Title:** Jealous Boyfriend.

**Pairing:** Hints of Gojyo/Hakkai, one-sided Chin Yisou/Hakkai

**Timeline:** Volume 4, Chapt. 20 Wandering Destiny.

**Summary:** Gojyo and Chin Yisou fight it out.

**A/n: **I always enjoyed this scene in the manga, the one where Chin Yisou paralyzes them with centipedes. Sadly Goku is not in this scene since he's still lost in the forest...or something like that. Consider this an AU since I'm completely twisting this to my liking.

* * *

Chin Yisou leers openly at Hakkai as the man droops helplessly forward, the centipedes crawling up his legs, up his stomach and over his chest, while the sharp and long fingernails of Chin Yisou are delicately tracing the jut of one defined clavicle that peeks out through the open collar of Hakkai's shirt. 

"My Cho Gonou, what a lovely picture you paint." He punctuates his sentence by clenching his fingers around Hakkai's throat and pulling the man forward, so he get an even better view of that lovely face as it twists up in grief and anger and despair.

"Oi buddy, watch those hands." Gojyo, who is also in the same predicament, as well as Sanzo, warns Chin Yisou as he leans in a bit more than necessarily into Hakkai.

Chin Yisou's smile widens and without warning he flicks his long tongue out and licks Hakkai's cheek, the brunette squirming as he closes his eyes tightly against the touch worming its way to one corner of his mouth.

"What in keep your hands to yourself don't you get, freak?" Gojyo says again, and he stares Chin Yisou down, like the man had called his mother a whore, or done him another equally, personal offense.

"It would be unwise for you to stare at me like that." Chin Yisou responds, with that same hollow smile on his face, all its vehemence directed at Gojyo as the redhead continues to glare at the centipede demon and his very fast, very annoying habit of touching Hakkai when the man's not really conscious.

"I'll stare at you however I like centipede-man. I'm just warnin' yuh, that arm is gonna get sliced if you don't understand what 'keep off the grass means.'"

Chin Yisou turns completely towards Gojyo and smiles like he's found a new interesting toy," Oh but _I_ was the one to impregnate his sister and they so do look like one another." Chin Yisou didn't continue on, but let that sentence dangle over his head with all the nasty little implications that he is more than ready to beat out of the sole survivor of Hyakugan Maoh."

"I'm gonna dance on your grave, you piece of fucking centipede turd."

"Not if I get to you first."

Sanzo, who is steadily being more and more grossed out as time passes and centipedes continually crawl up his body, feels it is his right to tell these two possessive motherfuckers that this isn't a goddamned dating service and to get this shit off of him now!

**End.**


	41. Crotch Kicker

**Title:** Crotch-kicker

**Characters:** Sanzo-ikkou

**Timeline:** Present day.

**Summary:** Gojyo draws the line.

**A/n:** I'm stupid. Yes, I am.

* * *

They were traveling through yet another desert, when they had suddenly been sidetracked by an angry mob of demons. 

The usual shouts for the Scriptures and all forms of death done unto them were given out predictably and then sloppy battle tactics ensued. And everything was normal and boring, that is, until something unexpected happened.

One of the demons—a female demon—had actually done something no one had ever attempted.

She'd nearly kicked Gojyo in the crotch.

"Whoa, what the hell are you doing?" Gojyo being the gentleman that he was didn't want to hit her, but neither was he going to set himself up to get nearly kneed in the crotch again.

Because that shit wasn't right.

And so they had disposed of all the demons and left in Jeep.

However Gojyo seemed to be still scared from the experience of nearly being kicked in the crotch.

"She almost got me too." Gojyo piped up from the backseat, his life—his dick—flashing before his eyes. "Shit, man if it's one thing I don't agree with it's crotch kicking."

Gojyo turns to Goku and explains, even when Goku doesn't want an explanation. "I mean, I can understand if the guy is being a sleaze and all, but dude, you don't kick an innocent man in the crotch. It's just not right."

Hakkai and Sanzo remain silent, Hakkai amused and Sanzo irritated by Gojyo's sudden inspired monologue.

Gojyo continues on, "And as men, you all should agree with me." He punches Goku in the head because the saru looked like he was nodding off for a second there.

"Ow, you-"

"Ow, nothing. Have you ever been kicked in the crotch Goku?"

"NO!" Goku screeches.

"Well let me tell you it isn't pleasant, so since you don't have any experience, you might one day be tempted to kick a man in the gonads."

"What, I would never--that's not a fight-"

"Shush, monkey, an adult is speaking."

Goku pouts.

"Anyway, as I was saying, you might be tempted, but let me tell you this, it will come back to haunt you. Don't do it."

"Okay." Goku says, thinking that Gojyo is just trying to scare him.

"No matter how tough the opponent is. Never kick a man in the crotch."

"I don't care if it's Kougaiji."

"I don't care if it's my brother."

"I don't care if it's Homura." Gojyo starts off, but is suddenly cut short on his tirade as Sanzo's hand goes up and he's waving his finger at Goku to come forward in the Jeep.

Goku leans forward and Sanzo whispers to him that it's definitely fair game to kick Homura in the crotch. He's not a man, he's a god and if that god touches you funny, Sanzo warns, you kick him so hard he'll think twice about it.

Goku sits back in his seat thoroughly confused because he's getting different information about the same topic.

"Okay where was I. Oh yeah, I don't care if it's the Merciful goddess and she's being a regular bitch."

Sanzo almost wants to say Amen.

"You **_do not _**kick a man in the crotch. Do I make myself clear?"

Goku nods and catches Hakkai's eye in the rearview mirror, eyes that tell him to forget every single word that has just passed between him and Gojyo, and even Sanzo too.

"Okay then. Now if it's Sanzo we're talking about," Gojyo starts up, "Feel free to kick him how much you want, I don't think he even has anything breakable down there."

Later that day, Sanzo gets Goku to accidentally knee Gojyo in crotch. Twice.

**End. **


	42. Operation Fansnatch

**Title:** Operation Fan-snatch

**Characters:** Gojyo, Goku

**Timeline:** Present day

**Summary:** Gojyo finally sums up the courage.

**A/n:** I'm so not with it.

* * *

"It's not fair." Gojyo says petulantly and he kicks the leg of the chair Goku's sitting in. 

"What's not fair?" Goku asks.

"Sanzo can't boss us around like this. Shit I can't even go out without his holy ass coming down on me."

"Sorry 'bout that." Goku says, and he doesn't sound the least bit apologetic.

Gojyo turns on him with a glare and sarcastically says "thanks"

Goku reponds he's welcome.

They stare at each other.

"Okay, yuh know what." Gojyo starts, "The only reason why Sanzo's such a prick is because we let him get away with it." Gojyo nods his head and expects Goku to agree.

Goku shrugs his shoulders.

"Oh for the love of--c'mon can't you see that he totally doesn't have any kind of humanizing fear in him. And you know why that is?"

"Why?" Goku asks.

"Because we don't have anything on him. Or we got nothing to bargain with."

Gojyo thinks about what's he's just said, "Hey yeah, if we want Sanzo to stop being such a natural asshole, we gotta take something from him."

"Like a hostage?" Goku asks and it suddenly hits Gojyo.

"Yeah like a hostage."

And so born was the plan to steal Sanzo's fan while he slept.

"I duh know about this now." Goku says, only going along with Gojyo because the man had said he would take him out for something to eat once they had instilled some good doses of trauma to their favorite blond sadist.

"Stop being such a chicken shit and get in there." Gojyo pushes Goku into the room where Sanzo is sleeping and the boy panics.

"Don't do that." He hisses.

Gojyo, strolling up to the bed looks down at the sleeping monk. He rolls up his jacket sleeves and then turns to Goku and tells the boy to get to work.

"What?" Goku hisses again and reminds Gojyo that this had been _his_ idea.

"Yeah, dumbass, but I'm the brains behind this operation and you're the…" Gojyo struggles for a reason, "Look you got smaller hands than me, so it should be easier for you."

"No I don't." Goku fires back under his breath. He sticks out his hand and Gojyo places his own next to the boy's to show him the error his stupid, dumbass ways.

"That still isn't a good excuse." Goku shoots back.

Gojyo slumps, "Look, I wasn't going to bring sexual orientation into this, but I just don't swing that way."

Goku takes one good look at Gojyo.

And then kicks him in the shin.

"You're treating me to dinner after this," which are Goku's final words on the matter.

"Yeah, yeah."

Goku rolls up his sleeves and swallowing the gulp in his throat, he inches his fingers closer to Sanzo.

"Mmm."

Both Gojyo and Goku jump when Sanzo's eyelashes flutter.

Goku thinks his heart is about to cave into his chest.

He tries again, his fingers inching closer, until he's actually touching the material of Sanzo's robe, which the priest has kept on, for reasons that the weather is a bit nippy.

Goku catches Gojyo's eyes and the hanyou holds his palms out and prompts him to go on.

Goku, slipping his fingers into Sanzo's robe at the raised end near his hip, squeezes his eyes shut and tries not to think about what will happen if Sanzo wakes up finds his hand feeling around under his clothes.

"Hurry up." Gojyo says impatiently.

"Shut up." Goku responds, and his arm disappears up to the elbow, his eyebrows knotted together in concentration, as he passes his hand over Sanzo's chest and searches out for the fan that should be tucked away in the material there.

"Gojyo," Goku whispers, "It's not here."

"You're just not checking right."

"It's not here, okay." Goku says, and he's demonstrates his point by leaning more on the bed, his questing hand going all the way over to the Sanzo's other side.

"See." Goku says, and when he doesn't get a response from Gojyo, he turns back to the priest in front of him.

"What are _you_ doing?" Sanzo asks. His violet eyes trained on Goku and the hand that is currently under his robes, fingers stretched out over the material of his black undershirt.

Goku looks like he's about to faint.

"Gotta go." Gojyo says, and halls ass out off the room before Sanzo can even notice his presence. He nearly plows into Hakkai in his haste, and startled, the green-eyed man drops something.

Gojyo spots Sanzo's fan on the floor.

"What the?" He points at it, astounded and waiting for an explanation as to why Sanzo's fan has finally shown itself.

"Oh," Hakkai says and reaches down to pick up the fan, "Sanzo told me to hang onto it for him while he slept."

**End. **


	43. Stubble

**Title:** Stubble

**Characters:** Gojyo/Hakkai Hints.

**Timeline:** b/f the journey

**Summary:** Gojyo has two options.

**A/n:** These domestic scenes are what I live for.

* * *

"You rather me with or without the whiskers?" Gojyo asks, scratching his chin as he stares at the mirror and catches his friend's reflection as the man bustles about the room.

"Does it matter?" Hakkai laughs, as he picks up after Gojyo's bad habit of leaving his beer bottles wherever they end up.

"Leave those alone and gimme an answer." Gojyo throws over his shoulder. He rubs at his chin again and watches Hakkai leave the room with his arms full.

"Sheesh," he calls out, so his friend can hear and getting up from his seat, he walks out of the bedroom to follow after the brunette.

"C'mon, I got a date tonight and I need an answer." Gojyo whines.

Hakkai, dropping the beer bottles into the trash with an ear-numbing crash, turns back to Gojyo and smiles.

"Well do you think the young lady you're taking out would rather you clean-shaven?" Hakkai say, steering Gojyo in the right mindset for his date.

"Oh ah…I duh know." Gojyo says, truthfully.

Hakkai patiently smiles at him. "Well, you did ask her out clean-shaven, so maybe you should consider that same option when taking her out."

Gojyo makes a face, scratches his stubble, "You don't like it?"

Hakkai smiles at him again and laughs a little, "I think you look more um refined clean-shaven."

"So you don't like the stubble?" Gojyo pouts at him like a child that's just been told he has to choose between two equally awesome toys.

"I never said that now. Don't put words in my mouth," Hakkai says playfully, as he straightens up a place mat on the table.

"Refined, huh?" Gojyo thinks he likes the sound of that.

"Although," Hakkai says, "You're quite roguish with the stubble, like a vagabond who's given up house and home to go in search of love."

"Eh?" Gojyo doesn't really get any of that, but the roguish thing…

"Roguish, I think I like the sound of that too." Gojyo scratches his chin in debate with himself.

"Now I've inflated your ego enough. Shouldn't you go get dressed?" Hakkai makes a shooing motion.

Gojyo, coming back from his ponderings finally figures out what he should do about this most conflicting problem. When he walks past Hakkai, he nudges his friend lightly on the shoulder in gratitude, "Thanks bud, that helped out a lot."

"I'm happy to be of service," Hakkai says with a slight bow.

Later that night when Gojyo is escorting the pretty brunette waitress down the street, and she asks him why half his face is shaved and the other half is all stubbly.

Gojyo says, "I'm being roguishly refined."

**End.**


	44. Storytime

**Title:** Storytime

**Characters:** Gojyo, Goku. Hints of Gojyo/Hakkai.

**Timeline:** 3 years ago

**Summary:** Gojyo has his own way of telling a story. God help us all.

**A/n:** Gojyo and Hakkai visited the temple so regularly back then, that I can see them spending the night and this happening.

* * *

"Read me a story from…dat book!" Goku demands, as he points a chubby finger at the desired reading material. 

Gojyo takes one look at it and declines on the fact that the cover reads Seimei's cookbook.

"Hey I got a story for you, chibi." Gojyo declares proudly.

Goku brightens up, "Oh? Is it scary? Because Sanzo doesn't like me readin' scary stuff."

"Okay pansy," Gojyo retorts and forgets that he's talking to a kid.

"Hey!"

"Oi, pipe down. It's not scary." He says and then he's gets this evil glint in his eye, "Although it's action-packed. You think your little monkey brain will be able to handle it?" Gojyo says, because he knows how kids are when you question their handling skills.

"Yeah!" Goku bounces out from under his covers and Gojyo having remembered Sanzo's instructions of "tuck in!" throws the blanket back over the boy.

"None a' that. Sanzo'd have a hernia if he knew you were still up."

"Ok-ay." Goku says visibly deflating.

"Anyway," Gojyo says remembering that he's promised a tale of unprecedented greatness and that he doesn't know if he can deliver, especially since this is his first time doing this.

Maybe he can get out of it.

"This story is a true story, so if you want to chicken out now, you know, whatever."

"I thought you said it wasn't scary!"

"It's not. For me."

Goku looks around like Sanzo might jump out of the shadows and when he's satisfied that the coast is clear, he says, "Okay go." He lies back against his pillow and waits for Gojyo to begin.

"Ahem…well this story takes place in a faraway land called…I can't remember the name, but in this far off…magical land there lives a…noble, roguishly, refined handsome knight. Yeah a knight."

Goku looks thrilled, "Will he save a princess?"

Gojyo looks at the boy funnily, "Tch well, hey where you learn about that shit?"

"Huh?"

"Never mind." Gojyo continues on, "So this cool, roguishly, refined knight is so awesome that his sex factor with the ladies is off the charts."

Gojyo catches Goku's confusion and adds for understanding purposes, "All the princesses of the land love the guy…er knight."

Goku looks suddenly down. "Does the knight love them all back?"

"Huh? Oh yeah. Tons."

"But what about his one true love?" Goku adds and looks like he's about to start bawling.

"What the hell has Sanzo been feedin' you kid?" Gojyo asks, curious as to all Goku's noble notions.

"He feeds me food and candy-stuff sometimes when we go to the fair-"

"Okay didn't need your life story there." Gojyo cuts him off and continues on undaunted, revising his story to fit Goku's limited vision.

"So this knight is head over heels for this um princess, who he saved ah…one rainy night." Gojyo thinks about what's he's just said, "No wait."

Goku seems to like where this is going so Gojyo goes along.

"What's the princess's name?"

"Huh, uh well the princess has…two names, and the knight can't seems to remember either one at the moment," Gojyo says stupidly.

"That's horrible!" Goku shouts.

"No, I mean, shut up and let me finish. You see there's a curse placed on the knight that keeps him from remembering. You see because the horrible, wicked warlock priest is manipulating him with his evil magic of…blackmail?"

"What?"

"The princess and the knight live happily ever after?" Gojyo says unsurely, because he's not too good at telling fairy tales, since all of his experiences have always ended unhappily.

"What happened to the curse then?" Goku asks, now nowhere near going to sleep, because his ending is incomplete.

"Oh, it vanished along with the evil warlock priest, because the handsome knight with his jousting stick (shakujou) sliced him in the evil, evil, no good, lying blackmailing windpipe."

"Oh," Goku says, like he can maybe picture it. Even Gojyo's having some problems picturing that piece of…

"Does the knight remember the princess's name?" Goku asked excitedly.

"Yeah, of course. She's got a real pretty…er names, but then she finally makes up her mind and sticks with one."

"So?" Goku's eyes are wide like saucers, "What's her name?"

"Her name is…go-the-fuck-to-sleep." Gojyo says with a smile.

"That's not--Sanzo!" Goku cries out because Gojyo is being mean to him.

"Oi, shush it up! Or I won't tell you the sequel."

That effectively shuts Goku up.

**End.**


	45. Storytime Part II

**Title:** Storytime Part II

**Characters:** Gojyo, Goku, Hints of Gojyo/Hakkai

**Timeline:** 3 yrs. ago

**Summary: **The Epic tale continues.

**A/n: **Goku plays psychiatrist.

* * *

"Once upon a time in Shackville," Gojyo is starting to get the hang of this fairytale business, "The handsome knight who you've remembered from his past exploits of wooing Princess Two-name (well not so good) and banishing the curse of the evil, dumbass sorcerer who uses pansy paper attacks…" 

Goku claps his hands together.

"…Well in tonight's epic tale, the great knight and his beautiful princess have gotten into… a little fight."

"But you said they lived happily ever after."

"Well I lied, so what happened was the knight—the strong, manly, dashing knight—accidentally blurted out some things about the princess's coping skill with her sister's death."

"The princess's sister died?" Goku asks sounding heartbroken.

"Yeah, get with the picture. So the princess (damn princess) tells the knight that he should mind his own business, like it's a fucking crime to care about your best frie-"

Goku's eyes widen for a minute. "Why would she say that?"

Gojyo for that one second feels a strong bond forming between him and Goku. "I know, right? Why'd she say that boggles the hell out of me, but most likely he's--she's just defensive that the knight caught onto to her little act of pretending she was happy."

"She's not happy? Why?" Goku definitely sounds like he's about to cry.

"I duh know. She just thinks if she keeps it all inside that it's some form of punishment for not being able to save her sister."

"That's so sad." There are tears in Goku's eyes, and Gojyo knows that with the drop of a hat, this can either go really good or really bad.

"It is. But there's nothing that the knight can do, because the stubborn ass prick…er princess won't listen to him."

"What should you do?" Goku asks, because he's not that dense.

"Uh…I don't know," Gojyo sighs and continues on, "I guess I'll talk to him later when he's not being a bitch. You know if-"

And then Gojyo stops and realizes what he's been saying.

"So Hakkai's the princess, huh?" Goku says with a grin on his face. "I'm so gonna tell."

**End.**


	46. Hugging People

**Title:** Hugging-People

**Characters:** Sanzo-ikkou, hints all around.

**Timeline:** Present

**Summary:** Goku and Gojyo are hugging-people.

**A/n:** I'm not a hugger, but everyone in my family is. I wonder how that works.

* * *

Goku and Gojyo are huggers. Never minding that Gojyo always says that hugging dudes is totally gay or that Goku always tries to prove himself as an adult by trying not to latch onto everything that moves. 

Both Goku and Gojyo are hugging people, even when the people who they target for their hugs don't want their damn hugs. This does not deter them. Unfortunately.

Sanzo and Hakkai are not hugging people. They understand the necessity of personal space and touch deprivation and the detachment that comes with it.

Sanzo only touches when he has to discard his gun.

Hakkai touches only to heal and offer comfort, because he believes he has lost the privilege to ever truly touch another human being.

Sanzo thinks that every human being has lost the privilege to touch him.

Goku and Gojyo, who don't seem to comprehend why people wouldn't like hugs, always find some way to sneak it past the non-huggers of the group.

Gojyo likes to throw his arm over Sanzo when he's not looking, because he knows the pretty boy abhors it like he does non-smoking sections in restaurants.

Goku likes to lean into Hakkai when the man is healing him and is too distracted with closing wounds and cleaning scrapes to notice what the smaller boy is doing.

Gojyo likes walking up to his best friend and slinging an arm over his shoulders, even though he knows Hakkai still flinches sometimes when he does it. His reasoning to this is to only increase the amount of arm slinging in the course of a day, as he believes Hakkai will get use to it, or he better damn well get use to it.

Goku likes to hang onto those memories of what its felt like to hold Sanzo. They're few and too far apart, but he remembers what it's like to clutch onto those robes and feel Sanzo breathing. Even if those moments had come at a price of lost self-control and close calls with death. It was still worth it.

Goku and Gojyo are hugging people, and they believe that with time the two other dumbasses in their group will understand this act of companionship, as they plan to bombard them with enough affection that it will make them either lose their inhibitions for touch completely or worst case scenario: drive them the rest of the steps it takes to hop off the sanity belt.

Whatever the outcome, Goku and Gojyo will still be huggers.

**End.**


	47. Perfume

**Title:** Perfume.

**Pairings:** Kougaiji/Yaone

**Timeline:** Present

**Summary:** Bad Kougaiji, bad boy (Shakes finger)

**A/n:** Kougaiji's so serious that someone needs to poke fun at him.

* * *

Kougaiji sniffs, and sniffs, and can't shut off his acute sense of smell, as it gets the better of him and he picks up on scent of lilacs and vanilla faintly suffused in the air. 

He walks up behind the origin of the smell, thinks about what he wants to do and that he shouldn't do it, and forgets it all in a heartbeat as he finds himself leaning forward a bit and trying to get more of that scent because…well…damn.

Yaone isn't freaked out when she catches him trying to covertly smell her; she only smiles a bit, leans back a fraction and wonders why she's suddenly in such a good mood.

**End. **


	48. Family Man

**Title:** Family Man

**Characters:** Sanzo, Goku and Hakkai.

**Timeline: **Present

**Summary:** Goku ponders on parents.

**A/n:** Chichioya means father, but I bet all of you already knew that.

* * *

"Sanzo, is it alright if I ask you something?"

Sanzo doesn't say anything and waits for the stupidity to hit him.

"Have you ever wondered about your…parents?"

Sanzo looks away from the window he's been staring out of. "What brought this on?"

Goku shrugs his shoulders. "I duh know. It's just that I…saw this…" Goku smiles a little, like the ending of his sentence can be perceived through such a gesture.

Sanzo, turning his head back to the window looks out just in time to catch a couple with child walking down the street, laughing and merrily holding hands and making him feel like all kinds of deserted shit.

"I didn't know you were that much of a brat." Sanzo finds himself saying without meaning to.

Goku gets indignant. "I'm not a brat! I just…wonder sometimes..."

"What it would be like to have someone to _actually_ wipe your ass."

"Shut up!" Goku shouts, blushing and going red around the ears. "Uh, I never should have brought this up."

Sanzo quietly leans back on the window ledge. He's just teasing Goku to get away from the fact that he's always wondered about his parents. Why they had abandoned him? Why they had thrown him in that river and left him to drown?

He kind of hated them.

Goku was playing with his knuckles, that pouty face still present as he tries to ignore Sanzo's pinpoint stare.

Finally giving up, he asks "What?"

Sanzo doesn't say anything as he stands up from the ledge and walks over to the door, his hand going straight for the doorknob. He stops before he can turn and open the door.

"Get that stupid mama's boy notion out of your head right now. Remember that family isn't all that it's cracked up to be." He says that last part because he's kind of bitter with his own and it pisses him off that Goku is reminding him of all of this.

He also hopes Goku remembers what Hakkai had told him about Gojyo's family months ago, when he had been pestering them about secret.

"Goku, dinner is ready!" Hakkai shouts through the doorway and suddenly without meaning to he barges in and Sanzo has to jump back to dodge a hit in the face.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

"Oh, gomen Sanzo. I thought Goku was in here alone." He says and smiles in the boy's direction. "Dinner." He says again like Goku hadn't heard him.

Goku jumps up from the bed and runs over to the door. "Man, I'm so hungry." Goku exclaims, already out the door and running towards the kitchen.

Sanzo watches him go and Hakkai smiles, also looking after their youngest member.

"Is something bothering Goku?" Hakkai sharp as always asks.

"No." Sanzo says dismissively. "He's just complaining about something he already has."

"Is he now?" Hakkai laughs. "And what would this most coveted item be?"

"A mother." Sanzo says as he points to Hakkai and passes him on the way out the door. "A fussy, mother hen that cooks, cleans, heals, and _practically_ wipes his ass. What more can a little boy want." Sanzo remarks with one side of his mouth slightly raised.

Hakkai caught off-guard by such a statement, a statement that should offend his pride as a man, calls after Sanzo. "Okay Chichioya."

Sanzo, for the first time pulls his gun out on Hakkai.

**End.**


	49. Sleep Envy

**Title: **Sleep Envy

**Pairing:** Sanzo/Goku

**Timeline:** Present

**Summary:** A certain monk lays wide-awake at witching hour.

**A/n:** We all have an inner brat within. Some more than others.

* * *

Goku purrs when he sleeps. Sanzo didn't even know it was possible. Could people _even _purr when they were awake? And here was Goku…purring in his sleep. 

Sanzo lay awake, while Goku started to flop his hands out like he was looking for something. He quieted down after awhile, his body in fetal position, as he curled in on himself like a dying weed.

Sanzo, despite the asinine stupidity radiating from the boy, envied his sleeping habits. It grated on his nerves how Goku could sleep so comfortably, the little bastard still purring away, like all his 9 lives depended on it.

Sanzo would kill for a decent night's rest, actually _had_ killed for a decent night's rest, but it still didn't stop snap-happy-demons from jumping through his window 3 in the morning and annoying the piss out of him.

Goku was still passed out, still purring and Sanzo just wanted to take his pillow and smother his happy ass with it. It wasn't fair. He wanted to sleep like that, without dreaming and without subconscious, falling away into what seemed like an endless slumber.

He looked at Goku, still curled like a blossomless flower and in his own trantrum attack he yanked his blanket away from him. Goku's mouth opened a little, but no so sound came out of it and Sanzo's anger hadn't subsided, only grew until he could no longer ignore this problem.

"Goku. Wake up." He shook the boy on the shoulder roughly and his eyes narrowed when said boy made smacking sounds. "Wake up." He was now shaking Goku with two hands, practically lifting his upper body off the mattress, as Goku involuntarily slumped backwards toward the warm surface, causing Sanzo to shake him harder.

"San..zo?"

Realizing that he finally had the boy's attention, and not about to let it go to waste, Sanzo sourly accused Goku of keeping him awake.

Goku blinked, rubbed at his eyes with the back of a palm, and fell back towards the mattress. "Nggghh, Sanzo…maybe you're hungry." And with that said, Goku's head lulled to one side, his throat exposed, as his thick eyelashes fluttered and his entire body went lax. He began to spread his arms out and Sanzo could only stare on in unmitigated rage as Goku with a happy comatose expression dropped off to sleep.

Sanzo, helpless to do anything, slid back down to the mattress and tucked his hands angrily under his head, watching grumpily the careful rise and fall of Goku's chest, but after a couple of quiet minutes he sat up. He just couldn't sleep and he knew why.

Goku was purring again.

He should have been angered and upset and rage-filled, but instead of going with all the above, he was exhausted and without conscious thought he dropped right on top of Goku. The boy didn't make a sound at being landed on, and Sanzo curled around him, fitting his head in the warm cradle that was Goku's neck. He closed his eyes.

He blamed Goku for this, because the boy was supposed to help him, not say stupid things and then selfishly drop off to sleep without him. Stupid idiot, he should…he should…squeeze him harder.

And so Sanzo did just that, one of his hands coming around Goku's waist to tightly pull him in. The boy huffed and kicked his legs out at the pressure around his waist, but soon it subsided and he nuzzled into his blond hair, his hands subconsciously petting the fine golden strands at the base of his neck.

Sanzo amidst the petting and the nuzzling felt his eyes shudder closed. Yes, Goku shouldn't be selfish and drop off to sleep like that. Goku had been the one to demand that they bunk up together and it was only right that Goku take on the responsibility for his actions. Really, keeping him up like this and not doing anything about it. Some people had nerve.

Goku was soon purring right into his ear and Sanzo, feeling the smooth hands on his nape and back, and the warmth flowing from the body beneath him couldn't say he minded the sound anymore.

**End.**


	50. In a Face

**Title: **In a Face

**Characters:** Sanzo/Goku

**Timeline:** Present

**Summary: **Sanzo sinks deeper and deeper within his self-made well.

**A/n: **I made myself sad.

* * *

It started with him accidentally touching Goku's hair once. He hadn't meant to do it, but he had been hitting him so hard with his fan that his knuckles had grazed against the boy's hair, his soft, thick, sunburnt hair. 

Goku had nice hair and that train of thought had cost him a couple nights of rest, while he rubbed his fingers together and tried to recall the sensation from the pads of each digit.

He was pathetic.

And he was already so pathetic on his own that he didn't need someone else making him even worse. Therefore he banished the memory of that touch from his head and made sure to never put himself in a position where he could touch Goku's hair again.

But the hair wasn't the problem anymore, as Goku's eyes were now his undoing. It was hard to look Goku in the eyes, because they were so large and encompassing that if you weren't careful, he could probably swallow you whole with one look. And the shades in those eyes were just as shifting as the places they traveled. It was like he was seeing those eyes for the first time, but then it was also like those eyes had remained with him forever.

And he was still so pathetic. He didn't make it a habit to look Goku in the eyes and when he did do it, it was for the purpose of driving home whatever point he was trying to make. Eye contact was his last resort with Goku. So by the time, he wouldn't be gazing into those eyes, not until he was forced to.

Too bad for him Goku's eyes weren't the only thing on his face, as the boy's smile could definitely compete in radiance. He smiled too much, too quickly, and too big where Sanzo was almost tempted to ask if his face muscles hurt throughout the day. Goku smiled whether happy, or sad, or angry. Whatever it was, he would smile through the feeling, until he could forget about it, or transform it into something else. Most of the times it was a smile.

If being pathetic could be compared to the depth of a well, he'd be all the way at the bottom and steadily digging himself a hole to the other side. There was a trick to not becoming anymore pathetic than he already was, and it resided in making Goku sad and angry with him. He'd yell, he'd hit, he'd storm and scream and that smile would waver. Even if it could smile through anything, it still faltered when he hurt it and that gave him more than enough time to escape.

But to tell the truth, he was only scratching the surface and there was something else that he wanted more.

Goku's hair was soft.

Goku's eyes were beautiful.

Goku's mouth was torturing him.

And Goku's heart wasn't his.

**End.**


	51. Worshipper

**Title:** Worshipper

**Pairing:** Sanzo/Goku

**Timeline:** Present

**Summary: **Sanzo isn't a good monk. There's a reason for that.

**A/n: **So this is kinda porn, and it mentions a specific type, so if you are offended by this material do not cross this line. Blow jobs exist on the other side. (Shakes head at self ) I'm ashamed, truly I am. (Inner voice) Wippee analytical porn!

* * *

Sanzo has had a pretty rough life. (Understatement of the year) He's been through more than a man his age should be through and he's seen more death than a gravedigger. So with all the combined shit and crap he has to put up with, you'd think the gods would bless him with something, anything to lesson the daily turmoil that is his life. 

Enter Goku. Who on more than one occasion has made Sanzo very happy that he's not an adept practitioner of his faith, as he is breaking quite a lot of rules whenever he watches the boy get on his knees and proceeds to make him forget his own name.

Which is fine, because Sanzo doesn't really give a shit about his title, as Goku's mouth and tongue and saliva on him is much, much more important than the Buddhist rank he's been given.

In those moments: rank, prestige, honor, pride and revenge don't matter. Not with Goku in his room, kneeling in front of his bed, and soft fingers clenched on his knees, as he kisses him and makes heaven and nirvana all the more a sensory and tangible thing. He's been told that these things shouldn't be material. Those feelings, like peace of mind shouldn't be marked on his physical body, but should be awareness to another level of enlightenment.

Those monks obviously hadn't met Goku or hadn't known first hand how it felt to be touched and coveted by a mouth that breaks him every night.

Goku doesn't expect anything from him. There isn't a price for this. Just a frozen moment in time where he can lose himself, and his morals, and his sins, and just find release within someone who can judge him for what he is.

Goku always closes his eyes when he takes him in and Sanzo always keeps his open. He likes watching Goku, thinks he's even more beautiful when he does this and can't hide the fact that he thinks his existence is finally worth something when Goku gets his mouth on him.

**End.**


	52. Hickey

**Title:** Hickey

**Characters:** Sanzo-ikkou

**Timeline:** Present

**Summary:** Goku has something on his neck.

**A/n:** So yeah, this is just pure crack. Pure crack. Mmm-hmm.

* * *

"Saru, if that's what I think it is, I'm gonna tell somebody." 

"Huh?"

"What the fuck is that on your neck and don't gimme some lame excuse like you fell on a vacuum cleaner or somethin'.

"Excuse 'bout what?"

"Look kid. I can spot one of those a mile away, since I've left so many behind. I'm an expert in that field so don't you go lying to me."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about that huge ass hickey on your neck. God, I wanna ask who left it, but there's no way a human being could be responsible for that thing."

"Wha? What's a hickey?"

"Yeesh. You get one and you don't even know what it is."

"I got something. Is it bad?"

"Yeah. Sure is. Oi Sanzo, the monkey's got a pimp."

/Stompstompstompstomp/

/Door slams open/

"What?"

"Our monkey got himself a midnight visitor. Check it out."

"Is that a-"

"Yep, in the flesh."

"Goku where did you get that?"

"I duh know what you guys are talking 'bout, but I don't remember getting anything."

/Sanzo grabs Goku by the neck/

"Homura."

"Damn Sanzo, you got yourself a suspect already."

"He's a sick fuck. I wouldn't put it past him. And you, what are you doing playing nice with the enemy. You hate the enemy. You don't let the enemy give you hickeys."

"What's a hickey?"

"Something that causes you to die a painful diseased death. Now, did he force himself on you?"

"Sanzo, what-"

/Hakkai enters/

"Oi, Hakkai. Check out the monkey's hickey."

"Excuse me?"

"C'mon man. You missin' one hell of a show."

"It's a-"

"Yep, yep."

"It's homura. I know its him."

/Sanzo bends Goku's neck back to a painful angle/

"Piece of shit war god. What did I tell you about people who touch you funny?"

"We would have felt his presence Sanzo."

"Perverts blend into their environments. He could have sneaked pass. What did I tell you about sleeping with your window open."

"Sanzo, I didn't even--stop yellin' at me!"

"Okay, okay. Everybody calm down and let's take the time to discuss wedding plans. Goku can't wear white for obvious reasons."

"If you weren't such a heavy sleeper this wouldn't have happened."

"We can't jump to conclusions."

"I'm not jumping to conclusions. Look at his neck. No human could make that. We should have it checked out."

"Hey Sanzo, you sound a bit guilty there. You sure you're not looking for a scapegoat."

"You have five seconds to leave my sight before I mutilate you beyond recognition."

"Stop taking out your sexual frustrations on us, bozu."

"Hakkai, what's a hickey?"

"Oh, I seemed to have suddenly gone deaf in both ears. I believe I should take care of that. Yes off I go, to take care of that."

"Hakkai wait-"

"Che, I wish I was blind. At least I wouldn't have to see this monstrosity on your neck. Damn Goku, did he try to bite your head off in the process."

"We should have it disinfected. Where's Hakkai? Tell him to bring disinfectant."

"You guys!"

/Hakkai brings disinfectant/

"Give me that."

/Sanzo takes disinfected cotton swabs and scrubs at Goku's neck/

"Owowowow--Sanzo cut it out!"

"Saru's not gonna have a neck after this."

"Sanzo, please wipe gently. It might sting if you-"

"It came off."

"Huh? What came off? Skin. I coulda told you that."

"No, the hickey, or…" /Sanzo inspects the cotton swab/ "The soy sauce."

"Soy sauce? Are you shittin' me? It's soy sauce, as in what Hakkai uses to cook with soy sauce."

"Goku, why is there soy sauce on your neck?"

"Because I just ate."

"Damn hickey-soy sauce. I never would have guessed it. And here I thought it was just plain ole' hickey. False alarm then."

/Sanzo turns to Gojyo and begins to choke him/

**End.**


	53. Seme vs Uke

**Title:** Seme vs. Uke (Fight!)

**Characters: **Sanzo-ikkou

**Timeline:** Present

**Summary:** The battle to end all battles.

**A/n:** This is even more cracked out than usual, except its stereotype crack. C'mon, if we can't make fun of stereotypes then who will. Who?

* * *

"In the name of seme's everywhere, I claim this as Gojyo territory." 

/Gojyo slings an arm around Hakkai/

/Hakkai frowns/

"And now commences the ceremony to delegate which parts I'm entitled too."

/Gojyo makes a motion that suggests he's delegated all parts/

/Hakkai frowns/

/Sanzo frowns/

/Goku raises his hands/

"Yes, stupid monkey in the front."

"A seme…it's a…"

"Yes, it is something that you will never attain."

/It's the first time Sanzo's ever completely agreed with Gojyo/

/Hell freezes over/

"Shut up! How do you know that?"

"Because you're short, and stupid, and you like sweet things."

"That doesn't…hey!"

"It doesn't need to make sense. Just know your place."

/Sanzo's language frighteningly enough is starting to sound like Gojyo's/

/Hell thaws and freezes over again/

"You shouldn't talk to Goku like that."

/Hakkai frowns at Sanzo/

/Sanzo frowns back/

"But yuh know, if Hakkai and Sanzo were an item, Hakkai, you'd definitely be the seme."

/Gojyo's words do not placate Hakkai/

/Sanzo turns his anger on his seme compatriot/

"Whose side are you on?"

"Well obviously the side that's gonna blow me."

/Hakkai readies a chi blast/

/Sanzo and Goku move back ten paces/

"Hey Sanzo, you're the prettier one, so I should be the seme."

"Your logic is astoundingly simply and stupid. Nope, you take the uke role just fine."

"But you wear a dress."

"It's a fucking priest robe."

"But you're prettier."

"That has nothing to do with it!"

"Yes it does." /Gojyo cuts in/

"Then you go be an uke, ponytail."

"Whoa, don't go dissin' another man's hair like that."

"Plus Sanzo's not as strong as me."

"Tch, says the monkey that gets pined down by me every time he goes ape-shit."

"I think Sanzo would make a great uke."

"You got no room to talk, Hakkai."

"Oh do I?"

"Yes, you do, so while you're blowing Gojyo, you can go make him a full course meal."

/Hakkai is flabbergasted/

/Gojyo high fives Sanzo/

"But Sanzo's short."

"I'm taller than you!"

"But I still have to grow and when I grow, I'm gonna be taller than you."

"You're never gonna be taller than me."

"Why?"

/Whispers evilly/ Because I'll chop your legs off before that happens.

/Hakkai laughs, snootily/

"Hey, stop laughing like that. Uke's are supposed to be innocent, and shy, and virginal."

"I know Judo." /Hakkai states/

"So! I'm heavier than you."

"Judo uses the opponent's weight to inflict more damage."

"Well shit, I'm still stronger."

/Hakkai goes onto throw Gojyo, while he holds one of his hand's captive/

"Say uncle."

"Oh for the love of—Uncle, uncle /Taps hand furiously to floor/ "My fucking hand!"

"Look at the Great Seme."

"I'll do the same thing to you Sanzo."

"Tch. Just try it. I'm the one and only _true_ seme here."

"Is that so?" /Homura walks in/

/Goku smiles at Homura/

/Sanzo feels his seme powers weakening/

NOOOOO!

**End.**


	54. Boys' Night Out

**Title:** Boys' Night Out

**Characters:** Sanzo-ikkou

**Timeline:** Present

**Summary:** All in a day's work.

**A/n:** Poor Hakkai.

* * *

"I wah ma lapdance." 

Gojyo was drunk.

So drunk was Gojyo that he was spewing out the first things that popped into his head. Now I know what you're thinking. You think Gojyo isn't drunk because he usually _does _just spew out the first things that pop into his head, but you're wrong.

The real determiner of his drunkenness was not in what he was saying, but more like who he was saying it to.

Hakkai tried to get Gojyo to keep his voice down.

"You've had a bit to drink, maybe you should call it a night."

"Not 'til the lapdance." Gojyo planted himself in his chair and pointed at his lap.

"C'mon, I got your stage ready."

Hakkai looked around nervously, and Sanzo's equal drunkenness and Goku's naivety did little to console him from all the stares they were currently getting.

"The red curtain." Gojyo pointed at his hair and lifted it up, like it was indeed the curtain for an opening act.

"Gojyo you're drunk." Hakkai said slowly.

"And you could kill a man with those legs." Gojyo said back, just as slowly.

"Hakkai? What's wrong with Gojyo?"

"Don't worry Goku. He's just drunk, so we must not hold it against him if he says or does anything stupid."

"But he's always like that and I don't get mad at 'im."

"You bring up valid points. Um, how is Sanzo? Do you think he'll be able to walk back to the inn?"

Goku went up to the monk and poked him in the shoulder. "Sanzo's really hammered."

"That's nice." Hakkai said under his breath.

"I'm waiting."

"Seriously what's wrong with Gojyo?" Goku asked, as the hanyou continued to look at Hakkai and gesture towards his lap.

"Many things." Hakkai answered, rubbing his forehead and trying to keep the situation under control.

"They got any sherbet here?" Sanzo said all of a sudden and slammed his hand on the bar counter. "Gimme one sherbet."

"Ohhh." Goku being pulled in Sanzo's direction by the mention of something sweet, mimicked Sanzo and slammed his hand on the bar top. "I want a sherbet too!"

"Um…" The bartender stopped cleaning a glass.

Behind Goku and Sanzo, Hakkai was shaking his head and the bartender continued to wipe the glass in his hand, as he realized that they had a chaperone. Thank god.

"Er…sure, two sherbets comin' up." He said, but he was still wiping the glass in his hand.

"You comin' here or am I gonna have to get you?" Gojyo said, looking very impatient and very horny.

Hakkai stepped slowly away from Gojyo and leaned over the bar to whisper an apology.

"You better not be cheatin' on me."

Hakkai sighed and turned back around to face the impossible scenario that were his companions.

"Where's the sherbet?" Goku asked and Hakkai sighed again, because Goku wasn't drunk and yet, he was another handful.

"Shit would you hurry it up." Sanzo said, on the brink of getting violent for his sherbet. The bartender gave Hakkai an irritated look.

"Ah excuse us." Hakkai pulled Goku to the side. "We need to go now. Can you manage with Sanzo?"

"Uh sure." Goku said, a little sad that he wasn't getting his sherbet. He walked up to the monk and tapped him on the shoulder. "Hey Sanzo, lets go."

Sanzo had a drunken man's stare.

Oh dear.

"Tch. Stupid bartender." Sanzo said, as he stood up from his chair and walked in the direction of the bathroom instead of the door.

"Hey Sanzo, you walkin' the wrong way." Goku said, running up to the monk.

"I 'eed to piss." Sanzo said eloquently.

"Oh okay." Goku waved to Hakkai. "We'll see you at the inn Hakkai."

Sanzo with an irritated growl turned to his charge. "I can'en u th' bathroom byself."

"You sound funny when you slur." Goku said, as he followed Sanzo into the men's restroom.

Hakkai at that moment, thanked all heaven that he wasn't also in charge of a drunken Sanzo, as the man could prove very difficult when he was sober and then when he was drunk…so yeah he would leave that to Goku.

"You gonna ignore me all day."

Hakkai, composing himself for yet another round of stupidity, turned around to face Gojyo with a coy smile.

"Now that's what I'm talking 'bout."

Hakkai sauntered over to the hanyou and placing a hand on the man's shoulder, bent down to whisper in his ear, "Take me home."

He leaned back so he could see Gojyo's eyes, and the hanyou, on top of the drunken flush had another flush that didn't have anything to do with the alcohol.

"Hehehe." Gojyo stood up, and grabbing onto Hakkai's hand he pulled him out the door. However as soon as they reached outside, it wasn't Gojyo taking him home anymore, but Hakkai picking up the slack, as the hanyou was so smashed that he couldn't tell right from left and up from down.

When they reached their room, Hakkai sat his friend on the bed and Gojyo more than ready for his lap dance, wasn't expecting a strip show too. However it wasn't the kind he wanted, as Hakkai began to tug off his jacket and work the zipper on his jeans.

"Hey baby, what kinda lap dance you got in mind?" Gojyo said, half conscious, as his brain was now on autopilot.

"The sleeping kind." Hakkai answered and he knew Gojyo couldn't hear him anymore, as the hanyou already past his conscious limit, nodded off to sleep.

When he was finished tucking Gojyo into bed, Hakkai walked out into the hallway right in time to see Goku leading Sanzo by the hand. The blond priest looking grumpier than ever, as Goku laughed at him and his incapability to walk in a straight line.

"Sanzo threw up." Goku informed Hakkai, as he stopped in front of the priest's door and waited for Sanzo to get his keys. The priest gave up after a while, because his head was fucking killing him, and so it was left up to Goku to search for the keys in his pocket.

"Found it!" Goku said, cheerful voice like a nail being driven into Sanzo's skull.

"Sanzo's funny when he's drunk." Goku informed Hakkai again, and opened the door to the priest's bedroom. Sanzo stumbled inside and began immediately stripping off his clothes, the heat finally getting to him as he saw his bed and landed in it, instead of next to it thankfully.

"Good night Hakkai." Goku called out cheerfully.

"Yes, goodnight Goku," Hakkai replied, feeling utterly exhausted. It was the first time he ever wished alcohol consumption could affect him normally, because at least he could have joined in on the drunken sherbet, drunken lapdance celebration without having to be the party pooper to end it all.

**End. **


	55. Man Eater

**Title:** Man-Eater

**Characters:** Sanzo-ikkou, mentions of Kou, Homura & Gato

**Timeline:** Reload Manga 5, "Even a Worm-7"

**Summary:** Goku goes through them like meatbuns.

**A/n:** Goku befriends people and then beats 'em up…hmm.

* * *

"The monkey likes 'em muscular." Gojyo said, when Goku was out of hearing range and Sanzo was. 

"Goku admires physical prowess." Hakkai replied. "He finds a bond with those that are strong."

"Well the kid's found himself a new playmate. This is like what…the third one?" Gojyo said puffing away on his cigarette and blowing it in Sanzo's direction, because he knew the asshole hated his brand. "I just can't understand how he makes friends outta enemies."

"He's a nice boy." Hakkai said with a smile on his face.

"There's a limit to how nice a guy can be." Gojyo dismissed, and then looked thoughtful. "So first it was Kougaiji and they were like the best of pals, until Goku took a chomp out of his royal ass, then it was Homura…who I'm not so sure was even in the "friend" category if you get my drift."

Sanzo's eye twitched.

"And now there's Gato, who's like the size of a house and shouldn't be allowed into the city without a permit and a sign that reads 'wide load coming through.' Man, I'm starting to see a trend here Hakkai." Gojyo kicked back in his chair. "I'm tellin' yuh, right after Goku defeats this poor chump he's gonna move onto somebody else. Shit, this is just the flavor of the week. Boy's a man-eater, that's what he is."

"I suppose." And Hakkai laughed, because it was rather fun to see Goku take on impossible odds and come out with victory _and_ a friend.

"If I didn't any know better, I'd think Goku was a player."

Sanzo laughed. Out loud.

"A player with a thing for guys who start out stronger than him. The kid should really get those S&M tendencies checked out. Can't be healthy for a growing monkey."

"I think he just likes the challenge." Hakkai said around a smile.

"I'm not saying he doesn't. But did we ever consider Goku could be a masochist. I mean, just look at his track record with buddies. And I'm not even gonna get started with Sanzo and the origins of that fan of his. Probably some kinda dirty spankin-"

Sanzo glared at him.

"Ah don't feel put out bozu." Gojyo said. "I mean, Goku's got so many boyfriends, but he can only have one _girlfriend_. And you're so pretty Sanzo-chan, that I don't think our monkey will ever get tired of you using that 'fan' on him."

Sanzo, getting ready to go on the offensive, told Gojyo that he should be less concerned with Goku's friends, and more concerned with his own "friend" as in when he, two days from now finds a way--he'll borrow Hazel's medallion--to bring Chin Yisou back to life and releases him on a sleeping Hakkai. He'd do it. Goddamit he'd do it and he'd make Gojyo watch.

**End. **


	56. Squee!

**Title:** Squee!

**Characters:** Goku

**Timeline:** Up to you.

**Summary:** Goku doesn't realize what he's just done. (Fangirls be thankful to Goku)

**A/n:** Suki means all forms of like and love. And on another note, do not ever take me seriously. Ever.

* * *

When Goku walks into his first all-you-can-eat buffet. He makes a sound between a "suki!" and a "wee!" 

And thus, the squee was born.

**End. **


	57. Simple things

**Title:** Simple things

**Characters:** Everybody…I guess.

**Timeline:** Present

**Summary:** Ni Jianyi is a simple man

**A/n:** I want to marry Ni. Hehehehe. That says a lot about me as a person.

* * *

Ni Jianyi is a simple man, not the complicated gentleman (evil genius) that most make him out to be. He is just a man, and like every simple man, he likes to preoccupy himself with simply things. He has a plushy named Mr. Bunny that he cuddles with/rips apart/talks to/shoves up Hwan's skirt/burns with matches/and so forth. He has his favorite bunny slippers that he likes to put on for the start of each bright, new wonderful day. He even has a favorite coffee mug. Yes, it's the simple things in life that counts, he always says, and even though he is currently trying to resurrect a demon lord the size of a mountain, and the amount of electricity and dry ice (for magical effects of course) will cost a pretty penny--not his money mind you--he still thinks his hobbies are of the simple kind. He even has a list of things to do while resurrecting Mr. Grumpy face--his nickname for both Gyomaoh and his mistress--and it goes a little something like this: 

**1.** Retrieve the five Holy Scriptures.

**2.** Destroy the moon with a laser beam.

**3.** Gloat over finally winning the bet with Koumyou after destroying moon with laser beam. 

**4.** Invite Kougaiji in for tea and crumpets.

**5.** Buy a bra for Yaone (a lace bra)

**6.** Eat ice cream with Hazel

**7.** Chop Gato into tiny pieces and then stick him back together again.

**8.** Propose to Sanzo

**9.** Laugh about proposing to Sanzo.

**10. **Tell Sanzo that Koumyou was much prettier.

**11. **Show Sanzo his lewd pictures of Koumyou.

**12. **Tell Sanzo he's Koumyou's sugar daddy.

**13. **Stop world poverty. (Just kidding :)

**14. **Conquer the World…of Warcraft

**15. **Wake Ratsetsunyo up and then put her back to sleep.

**16. **Tell Gyomaoh he has bad taste in women.

**17. **Figure out how to do a post operational abortion on Lirin.

**18. **Put on the play Alice in Wonderland.

**19. **Sing, "I'm a little teapot" and make everyone watch.

**20. **Sing "Jien and Gojyo sittin' in a tree" when Dokugakuji passes by.

**21. **Break each of Gyokumen Koushou's nails.

**22. **Molest Sanzo.

**23. **Molest Goku and make Sanzo watch.

**24. **Lie to Hakkai that he was the true mastermind behind Kanan's abduction.

**25. **Buy a new mug.

**26. **Get himself a fancy hat.

**27.** Find Koumyou's grave and plant a stake that says, "here's stupid."

**28.** Pee off Gyomaoh's platform.

**29.** Streak down the hallway when the Kougaiji-tachi are having dinner.

**30.** Repeatedly turn the Minus Wave off and on for an entire day and drive the demon population even more wako.

**31.** Pray and ask Buddha for a pony.

**End? (His list grows by the hour)**


	58. Anger Management

**Title:** Anger Management

**Pairing:** Sanzo/Goku

**Timeline:** Present

**Summary:** Sanzo and Goku have it out.

**A/n:** This is an angry, serious chapter. I can write those. I think. (Now is the time to take me seriously) Anyhoo, this is porn. See a trend people. I really need to broaden my horizons with pairings, but my OTPs are Sanzo/Goku and Gojyo/Hakkai. I have such limited vision. One day I'll write Ni pron. That should prove interesting. Now who to put him with? He's such a flirt.

* * *

It wasn't that Goku didn't know how not to annoy him, because the boy should have learned some time ago what he liked and what he disliked. No, it was more like Goku knew the right buttons to push at the exact time that could send him straight off the handle. 

"You fucking retarded chimp, what the fuck do I have to do to shut your ass up?"

Goku pouted. "Geez Sanzo. You're always so mean to me when the rain starts and I don't even know what I did to get you upset. It's rain." He said in a tiny voice. "Just…deal with it."

And he knew somewhere deep down inside, Goku, the insensitive little bastard was calling him a baby, and in that oh so impatient way begging for attention. Goku could be a brat sometimes. It was only normal for him, but sometimes he just twisted him up the wrong way.

"Deal with it?" Sanzo seethed and he was standing up and looking down at Goku, who was sitting on his bed.

Goku bit his lip, looked apologetic for a second, and then scrunched his face up, like he had made up his mind, that yes, he thought Sanzo should just deal with it and not take it out on him.

Sanzo grabbed him by the scruff of his shirt and began to haul him towards the door, like an animal. "Sanzo! What the hel-ouff!" Sanzo had thrown him up against the wall, instead of out the door like he had intended, his anger making his eyes blur and putting his aim off.

Goku narrowed his eyes at him, and it was a very, very strange thing to see that expression on his face. He looked like he was on the verge of tears, but then he was so angry, that he thought he would cry. And if Sanzo thought he was just going to bow out because of a little push…

Sanzo had grabbed him by the lapels and Goku, scrunching up his face even more, and looking Sanzo right in the eyes, his own hand clenching around the hand fisted, white-knuckled in his shirt, clamped down hard.

Sanzo gritted his teeth. "You are pissin' me off."

"Well…ditto!" Goku yelled back and his face was red and he was slowly breathing through his nose, and trying not to cry, because he didn't like to cry when Sanzo was around.

Sanzo crammed his fist into the wall next to Goku's head and Goku thought if Sanzo was trying to intimidate him, then he'd have to try harder, because Goku was a fighter, not a punching bag. He'd fight back.

When Sanzo saw that determined, slightly sad look on Goku's face, he instantly pushed the boy away, even more enraged. "Get out." He said coldly and waited to hear the sound of the door slamming shut. When he turned back to see Goku still standing there, he said it again. "Get. Out."

"N-no." Goku said and scrubbed at his cheek like he wanted to cry.

Sanzo suddenly wished that a bunch of demons would jump through the window. It was the first time he'd ever wished for such a thing, and he thought it was out of sheer desperation for a new target, because if he didn't kill something soon he'd lose it.

"Goku."

The boy flinched when Sanzo called him by his given name.

"I'm not asking you. I'm telling you. The way I am right now…I could probably do something very, very nasty to you and I wouldn't feel bad about any of it." Sanzo warned, and pierced into Goku with his eyes. "You want that kind of responsibility?" Sanzo asked, hoping the monkey would get the hint. "You think you can help me, huh? You worthless piece of-"

Lighting flashed through the air.

"Sanzo, you're a coward." Goku had said before Sanzo could start back again, his eyes taking on an eerie glow in the darkness. Sanzo didn't know what it was, but he had found himself across the room faster than he thought it was humanly possible. Goku seemed surprised as well, and when Sanzo had shoved him back against the wall with a painful thud, one pale hand coming up to wrap around a tanned neck and forcing it to impact the wall, the diadem making a clanking sound, he kissed him solidly. Sanzo didn't know why he did it, because this hadn't been what he'd meant by nasty. He was actually planning to choke the boy within an inch of his life, but he couldn't and then…so…well here he was.

Goku had gone stiff. His eyes were shut tight and his hands were clenched. He made a noise that sounded like he was frustrated with the result. Then Goku unclenched his hands and kissed him back.

Sanzo knew he shouldn't allow this, but he was just too angry to think properly and dammit he still wanted to kick Goku's ass. Goku grabbed him by the thin shoulders and began to shove him backwards towards the bed, but Sanzo not liking the boy's sudden bossiness, clenched his arms and pushed back. Goku's head connected with the wall again and he could only hope that the idiot received a concussion from that.

Goku gripped his shoulders tighter, his fingers pressing into the skin there and making Sanzo wince, because that was going to leave a bruise. He pressed down on Goku's mouth even more, determined to leave his own bruise and Goku's hands scrambled around his neck and pulled him flush against him.

He'd somehow ripped Goku's pants off in the process and the boy had managed to yank his pants down over his hips after discarding his top. He nearly kneed him in the groin with his over-zealousness, and Sanzo cursed and ended up angrily pinning Goku's legs to the wall.

And then they'd had angry sex up against the wall, which should have been a given, noting on how angry the both of them were. Goku was giving just as good as he was getting, and Sanzo had to bury his face in the boy's neck and try not to yell, because Goku was apparently very good at giving payback. He'd come so hard that he'd found himself a second later on the ground with Goku on top of him, the boy still trying to get his release and making Sanzo kick the wall hard with his foot when Goku's muscles clamped around him and he finally came.

Sanzo, looking up at the ceiling with Goku now slumped on top of him, his charge still moaning and nuzzling into his chest with sated leisure, found his hand on top of the monkey's head. His fingers treading through that thick, mass of hair and just enjoying the feel of it as it brushed against his palm.

For some odd reason, he wasn't angry anymore.

**End. **


	59. Lessons

**Title:** Lessons

**Characters:** Ni, Koumyou or Ni/Koumyou. (heh)

**Timeline:** Spoilers for Burial Arc, Reload 4&5.

**Summary:** Ni reflects on all the things that Koumyou has taught him.

**A/n:** Koumyou is a saint, a funny saint, because he says the most retarded things when you least expect it. I love him.

* * *

Ni doesn't like to admit it, but he's learned many things from Koumyou. Things that if had stayed hidden to him would have made the world, his world, a little more boring of a place. He hates boredom, despises it, and that was Koumyou's first lesson to him, his first enlightenment. 

_"…Since everything you do is boring you must be a very boring human being." _

So from that day on, he's filled his life with things that are fun. He's taken in a boy and turned him into a doll for his amusement. He watched that same boy take dolls of his own and it never ceased to amaze him how such a small ripple in a person's life could have such interesting results.

_"Who the hell are you, anyway? Your strength is something else." "Come now. I'm just a regular old man." _

He's learned to never judge a book by its cover. However fragile seeming, droopy-eyed, softly smiling, ponytail sashaying the man was. You do not judge by the appearance of the body, but that reflection of moonlight that was Koumyou's soul. _That light. Felt like it would swallow everything._

_"You know what? I can't tell if you're brilliant or retarded." "Ah, I get that a lot."_

_"I thought the moon had gone into hiding. Was that your fault? Even the crickets stopped chirping." "What an awful thing to say." _

_"Oh, yes! I almost forgot." "Forgot what?" "Long time no see." _

_"He's like a son to me. He resembles you, in some aspects." "He looks like me?" "Not at all." _

_"Oh Kouryuu? He's turning four this year. And he's soooo cute." _

Ni has learned from Koumyou the essence of words, the personified koan that instructs. He does not give straight answers anymore when asked, because when asked Koumyou had never come out and rightly said anything to him. And he's learned that at times those are the best answers. He'd been naïve back then and a bit stupid. Koumyou had showed him that. Showed him how meaningless prolonged thoughts could be. That sporadic conversations could hold up the highest yields from someone. For you learned what was in someone's heart by the smallest utterance, the slipped tongue, and the sudden idea.

_"He compared the two of us…to the dark of night and the moon." _

He's learned that opposites attract, even when the gravity of this world is pulling them apart. He's learned that things of the night are always drawn to the light: Moths to the flame, boats to the lighthouse, blood to white clothing. There's an impetus for dark things to want to possess things of brilliant beauty with the prevailing thought of wanting to sully them and give the light a piece of his burden. The moonlight is radiant, the darkness is encompassing. It's only right that one want to own the other.

_"Which one of us gets swallowed by the other?" "Perhaps we should make a bet." _

Ni has also learned from Koumyou that when someone dies and they make a bet, the person who made the bet is never truly dead. Not when they have been made alive by their words, by their expression on that simple moonlit night. When that conversation can be replayed over and over again, the words having bound themselves to the other betting man's soul and having come alive through his memories.

**End. **


	60. Ass Grabbery

**Title:** Ass Grabbery

**Characters:** Gojyo/Hakkai

**Timeline:** Present

**Summary:** The title says it all. I guess.

**A/n:** I write the most cracked-out shit possible. Hope you enjoy.

* * *

Gojyo has approximately, _approximately_--as far as he can tell--grabbed Hakkai's ass at least ten times while on this shitfest of a journey. Now none of that actually counts brushing up against and positioning, just plain grabbing that may or may not have been his fault. 

The first time was accidental, like how most addictions come into existence. Hakkai had been walking in front of him and when the brunette had abruptly stopped, he hadn't realized it and opps' there goes the hand. He didn't apologize for it, because they both knew that kind of stuff happened, and the _only _thing you could do was play it off and pretend like whatever happened just didn't happen.

The second time was accidental too. Sort of. Odds were if he were to comment, the betting man that he was, he'd say for that second time there had been a 50/60-chance percentile of his hand landing somewhere near Hakkai's backside.

The third time he had blamed Sanzo. Yes Sanzo, because the bastard had been walking beside him, and he needed a scapegoat and _quick_ before Hakkai realized something. Sanzo hadn't even said a peep. Gojyo was sure Sanzo was just too angry where his vocal cords didn't work--he did that sometimes--Hakkai had only looked thoroughly puzzled, before he gave Sanzo a funny look and then continued to walk ahead.

Then Sanzo gave him a not-so-funny look and his world was filled with bullets and pain.

The fourth time he blamed Goku, saying the kid was getting 'at that age'.

The fifth time was right after the fourth in that there was something very wrong with him where he couldn't restrain himself from doing it again, just for the knowledge that he could do it again.

The sixth time, Hakkai had figured it out.

The seventh time was also the eighth, ninth, and tenth time, as he got to grope Hakkai four times in a day and Hakkai for all intent and purposes had let him.

The eleventh time--

Well wasn't this just awkward.

He'd been caught in a lie.

He'd _actually_ approximately groped Hakkai at least twenty times, but he thought to leave off the extra ten, as it shouldn't matter how many times he groped Hakkai, only that he got to, on a regular basis, and without pants.

**End. **


	61. Boxers or Briefs?

**Title:** Boxers or Briefs?

**Characters:** Sanzo-ikkou

**Timeline:** Present

**Summary:** The Sanzo-ikkou give their own answers.

**A/n:** How did I even get here? Or the better question would be how did I not get here sooner.

* * *

Sanzo will not answer this question, because it is in direct violation with his privacy laws, which simply states he will open fire on anyone who asks him this question. 

Hakkai will answer it with a polite 'no commento'

Gojyo will give his answer in the form of a 10-page monologue that recalls the illustrious history of boxers and why he wears them, then he'll probably go on to show you said boxers if you're "lucky" enough.

Goku will answer your question with another question. "Underwear?" And then he'll remember _that's_ what he forgot to do today when he was dressing.

Sanzo will then take over for the Q&A because asking a minor about what kind of underwear he wears (you dirty, sick pervert) is in direct violation of some law out there that states that you do not ask those questions and (goddamit Goku you betta start wearing underwear from now on!)

**End.**


	62. Sleepwalker

**Title:** Sleepwalker

**Pairing:** Sanzo/Goku

**Timeline:** Present

**Summary:** He kisses him only when he sleeps.

**A/n: **Dedicated to Eyes of Shinigami, because one of your stories prompted this. I make Sanzo out to be a creepy bastard here, so sorry if it's horribly OC or something like that.

* * *

He kissed him while he was sleeping. He didn't have a conscience when it came to Goku and his body. He didn't feel guilty for stealing something from his charge. He didn't apologize for kissing him. He was only sorry that he didn't do it sooner. 

He only kissed him when he slept. In the shade of darkness that could choke a man and separate out his good will from bad. Goku slept like he was among the dead and Sanzo kissed him like he would die if he stopped. He didn't feel shame after for any of it, or feel regret for staining Goku anymore than he already had. He only enjoyed it and thought about the next time night would blanket them.

He kisses him on the neck only when he's sure Goku won't stir. He leaves marks. He doesn't care. Goku gets a lot of bruises during fights. Goku heals quickly. Things of that nature are trivial. No one suspects that he leaves them there and he isn't going to ask for premature forgiveness. Goku's breath always quickens wherever he reaches his throat and if he's disrupting his charge's peaceful sleep and turning it into something else, then he could, he should stop. But he's not going to.

He kisses Goku on the mouth with the foolish intention that they can be closer this way. Goku's mouth is warm and it always gets warmer whenever he slips his tongue inside. Goku sleeps with his mouth open, his lips always red whenever he finishes, staying that way until the very next day's break of the sun on the horizon. It's because Goku's lips are much softer than his skin and therefore need more time to heal. The evidence is harder to conceal that way. However Goku doesn't complain about it bothering him throughout the day. Everybody probably thinks he's burned his mouth eating hot food or has taken up the habit of biting his lip. But Sanzo knows better, and whenever Goku pouts and runs his small tongue over his bottom lip, Sanzo can't feel anymore unrepentant, as he enjoys knowing that his mouth had been right there mere hours ago.

**End. **


	63. You're It!

**Title:** You're it!

**Characters:** Gojyo, Goku

**Timeline: **3 years ago

**Summary:** Gojyo teaches Goku to play tag.

**A/n:** I can imagine Goku coming over to visit Hakkai and Gojyo and chaos ensuing.

* * *

When Gojyo decides to introduce Goku to his favorite childhood game of tag, Goku so excited begs Gojyo to play with him. Gojyo, looking around and thinking that at his age he really shouldn't be playing this shit, gives up all thought of saying 'no' when Goku--oddly cute when he wants to be--pouts and looks at him with a strange hybrid of monkey/puppy dog eyes. Gojyo's always been a sucker for the kiddies and so with that, he agrees to play a game of tag, a very violent, tiring, scary, life-flashing-before-his-eyes game of tag. Which should have been expected considering this is Goku, the freakishly strong, energetic anti-Christ that he is. So it's not as much a game of tag as it's a game of survival. And when he had slapped Goku upside the head, yelling at the top of his voice, "You're it, dumbass!" he knew he hadn't set a good precedent to follow. Not when Goku the very next day, asked a random person in the street to play a game of tag with him. When the man had jokingly said 'sure' Goku had slapped him upside the head so hard the man had impacted with the ground faster than a ton of bricks (concussion, lawsuits, and cursing Sanzo waiting in the wings) and Goku screaming at the top of his lungs, "YOU'RE IT!!!" 

**End.**


	64. Hide and seek

**Title:** Hide-and-seek

**Characters:** Gojyo, Goku

**Timeline:** 3 years ago

**Summary:** Gojyo teaches Goku about hide-and-seek.

**A/n:** Poor Gojyo. Usually I'm the last one to say that, but he's really a good guy.

* * *

Gojyo reluctant to teach Goku another childhood game, as what had happened last time when he'd done so wasn't exactly something he'd call fun, still buckled under the pressure of big-puppy-monkey eyes when asked about more funs games they could play together. So, despite the danger of giving the monkey more ammo, he taught Goku how to play hide-and-seek. There was no way they could have a repeat of the other day, as hide-and-seek wasn't a contact sport. It involved stealth and words shouted from a reasonable distance of 'I found you.' Nothing scary about hide-and-go-seek. 

God had he been wrong.

When Goku didn't show up for breakfast, lunch, dinner and bedtime, Sanzo had a shit-fit and Hakkai had sat up like a worried mother waiting for her runaway child to come back home. Sanzo had chewed him out for almost an hour and Hakkai taking a turn chastised him and told him to go look for Goku. After an exhausting night of calling out for the runt and snooping around in people's backyards, Gojyo finally found the monkey asleep in a tree. When he woke the idiot up, Goku rolled over, scrubbed his eyes with one paw and asked him if he had won.

**End.**


	65. Poker

**Title:** Poker

**Character:** Gojyo, Goku

**Timeline:** Present

**Summary:** Gojyo teaches Goku how to play Poker

**A/n:** I'm putting Gojyo through hell.

* * *

Gojyo entirely scarred from his experiences of childhood games was more than happy to teach Goku, when he asked, how to play a nice, nonviolent—unless you were drunk and losing—game of poker. There was no danger of anyone getting concussions—again see drunk—no danger of the players suddenly disappearing for whole days—unless you owed a card shark a shit-load of money. But really none of that would have anything to do with Goku, as Gojyo promised to clearly explain the rules to the boy and keep him within sight the entire time he played the game. Goku got the rules after some involved, intensive demonstrations and then they played a couple of games. Goku lost every time, but he was having fun, so Gojyo deemed this lesson a success, since no one had suffered from a concussion or had disappeared during the game. 

He ran into no problems with Goku in the card-game known as poker. Well...not until he introduced the concept of strip poker and was nearly killed in his sleep by Sanzo.

**End.**


	66. If Walls Could Talk

**Title:** If Walls Could Talk

**Characters:** Gojyo, Hakkai and voice appearances by Sanzo/Goku.

**Timeline:** Present

**Summary:** Gojyo and Hakkai have the worst timing _EVER._

**A/n: **I have no shame. None whatsoever.

* * *

"Man, I'm bushed. Been a long time since I won a game and cleaned out a house." Gojyo said to Hakkai, as they walked down the hallway leading to the room they would be sharing tonight. "Tch, considering I'm always playing you and getting my ass handed to me. I forgot how good it felt to win."

Hakkai chuckled. "Ah well I hope you also don't forget how good it is to have mercy on others. Those men may have had families to feed."

"Eh, those guys picked me out 'cus they thought I'd have no experience, and then they saw you and they got all hot under the collar, thinking you jus' a pretty boy who'll lose all his money in the first round. I'm tellin' yuh, you're the perfect bait for con-artists like that." Gojyo warned in a taunting voice.

Hakkkai, taking the key-chain from his pocket jingled it at kappa like a fishhook. "So I'm the bait and what might you be?"

"Well I'm the guy who's standing behind the bait with a shotgun." Gojyo simulated holding his weapon of choice and made a sound like he was cocking a shotgun.

"Don't you think that's overkill?" Hakkai laughed and unlocked the door. Gojyo already throwing off his shoes at the entrance, and making his way over to the table, ready to put down his cigarettes and lighter for the evening was suddenly stopped by a sound.

Hakkai also able to hear the sound, cocked his head to the side curiously, his eyes going wide, his surprise making him drop the room-key to the floor, as he suddenly realized, along with Gojyo what that sound was.

It was Goku's voice. And both Gojyo and Hakkai knew how the boy's voice could carry whenever he was simple talking or laughing. They knew he was just naturally loud, however they _never_ wanted to know how loud that voice could get when involved in…certain activities. And even muffled through the walls as it was, Gojyo and Hakkai could still unfortunately hear _exactly_ whose name that voice was calling.

Both Gojyo and Hakkai still frozen to their spots, wide-eyed and completely speechless, were broken out of their dazes when a hoarse scream in that same disturbingly familiar voice penetrated the walls. Both men suddenly coming back to themselves and like time had lurched forward Gojyo dropped his cigarettes to the floor, missing the table by scant inches. Hakkai whose face was ten shades redder, nearly tripped over the raised end of the carpet he was standing on.

"Noooo!!!" Gojyo suddenly hissed and slapped his hands over his ears. "Oh jesus, I knew we should have stayed out longer!" Gojyo shook his head hard with all the intent of giving himself sever whiplash in the hopes that voluntary amnesia would wipe his mind clean of these last scarring minutes. Hakkai also with his hands over his ears, face completely red, tried to salvage the situation.

There was a sudden thump against the wall, and then another, followed by the high-pitched sounds of Goku's voice, not to mention another familiar voice!!!!

Both Gojyo and Hakkai looked at each other and then without further ado, hurried towards the door. Gojyo completely forgetting his sleepiness, not to mention his shoes and his smokes, and Hakkai leaving the room key on the floor, not caring if they had to spend a night in a ditch, as the sounds from the occupants in the other room followed them out the door.

**End? **


	67. If Walls Could Feel Sympathy

**Title:** If Walls Could Feel Sympathy

**Characters:** Sanzo-ikkou

**Timeline:** Present

**Summary:** It's the day after

**A/n:** Sanzo has a face like a stone statue.

* * *

The next morning when Sanzo and Goku came down for breakfast, both looked _disgustingly_ well rested.

"Oh Hakkai, you made pancakes?" Goku asked, excited voice making both Hakkai and Gojyo skittish as it reminded them of recent events.

Hakkai somewhat embarrassed to be facing Goku in such a short time didn't meet the boy's gaze. "Well…I couldn't sleep and the owner generously let me use their spare kitchen."

Goku made an appreciative noise and then shouted, "PAN-CA-KE!" He plopped himself down in a chair next to Gojyo, who was smoking grumpily, eyes bloodshot and nursing a strong dose of black coffee.

Goku, noticing that Gojyo wasn't fighting him for Hakkai's delicious pancakes stared at the kappa curiously for not following the script.

Gojyo, noticing the attention turned a glare on the boy, "I'm cranky. What?"

Goku shrugged his shoulders and dove into his pancakes. Midway he began to lick syrup and butter of his fingers, and Hakkai rushed over to him and handed the boy a napkin.

"Ah please use this." Hakkai prompted, and Goku smiled and put his hands out, wanting Hakkai to do the honors.

"You guys look like shit." Sanzo said, smoking a cigarette and looking down at his paper.

Both Gojyo and Hakkai glared at him, but the priest completely oblivious to the withering stares he was getting turned another page in his newspaper.

"We didn't get back until much later." Hakkai answered tartly and then in a sugar sweet voice he asked Sanzo "And how was _your _evening?"

"Peaceful." Sanzo said, still not looking up from his newspaper and the section that read 'Demon-attacks increasing exponentially.'

Gojyo and Hakkai--cranky from the all-nighter and having to endure being cooped up in the kitchen and slumped over hard-backed chairs--glared harder at Sanzo. The priest finally looking up from his beloved newspaper suddenly picked up his mug and thrust it in their direction.

"Refill." He said.

**End. **


	68. 5 People that Sanzo Could do Without

**Title:** 5 People that Sanzo Could Do Without

**Characters:** 5 people that Sanzo could do without. So yeah.

**Timeline:** The times when Sanzo could do without those people.

**Summary:** Sanzo hates you.

**A/n:** I got this idea while going through somebody's live-journal. The premise was 5 things, so this is the result. I hope they don't mind.

**

* * *

1.**Sanzo hates Homura. Hates him like he hates all that is annoying and stupid in this world. He hates him with enough zeal that if he were to even try to explain one ounce of that hate your head would explode. Yes it would. That's how much he hates the bastard. Now the exact reason why he hates the bastard is his damn business, so STFU! 

**2.**Sanzo hates Gojyo, and that business with keep your friends close and your enemies closer, he refuses to abide by that, because Gojyo is both somehow in the "friend" and enemy category, so if the bastard got any closer to him, Sanzo just might have to kill himself, or Gojyo. Whatever.

**3.**Sanzo hates the Merciful Goddess, because her name and existence are direct paradoxes of each other and lets just admit it, that's annoying. She's also a liar, a skank, and the one who got him on this journey in the first place. Now Sanzo wouldn't be so cranky about his mission if it were a mission of his choosing, for instance, traveling up to heaven or that big lotus petal in the sky and capping the Merciful Goddess in the forehead once and for all. That Bitch.

**4.**Sanzo hates Gyomaoh, because that asswipe won't stay dead. How hard is it to just stay dead? Not very hard, but obviously Gyomaoh sucks at it, so he has to come back and live, because he's a complete pansy and he won't say_ dead_. How hard is it to lie under some dirt, and listen to some fuckers you probably don't even know, visit your grave and chant some crap that's not even going to affect you because your ass _should _be dead. Moron.

**5.**Sanzo hates himself. Now he's getting better with this, since his name used to take up first place on his list of people to kill when he got the chance. Oh yes, he has a longer list. This is just the top five, but at any moment, the top five could change--not very likely considering how annoying the bastards are who hold the current ranking. Presently, in sixth place is Lirin, because if that crazy little shit calls him baldy one more time, he's going to drown her ass in her own blood.

**The End. (Fuckers) **


	69. Compliments

**Title:** Compliments

**Characters:** Sanzo-ikkou

**Timeline:** Present

**Summary:** Goku tries a new approach.

**A/n:** I thrive off annoying Sanzo.

* * *

"Sanzo's being a grump." Goku says, coming over to the brunette to get some sympathy, because Hakkai always makes him feel better.

Hakkai stops his packing and turns to the boy. "Sanzo has his days." He offers and continues to pack their supplies away in a duffle bag.

Goku looks down at his feet and shuffles them; a little disappointed that Hakkai hadn't said more. The brunette, however noticing that Goku is still there, stops what he's doing and smiles at the younger man. He sits down on the bed and pats the spot next to him.

"Forgive me Goku, I'm just a little tired. Would you like to talk about it?"

Goku, cheering up considerably plops down next to the older man and turns his entire body so he's facing Hakkai. He starts up without cue. "Sanzo just kicked me out of the room we're supposed to be sharing." He looks at Hakkai expectantly.

"Did you say something that would…upset him?" Hakkai knows that it doesn't have to be something said, as the monk surely can get grumpy for no concrete reason.

"No, I wasn't even talking. I was just sitting there and doing nothing. Sanzo's really weird. Gojyo says he has PMS. Whatever that is." Goku finishes and looks at Hakkai with complete trust in the man's deduction skills. Hakkai however chuckles at Gojyo's way of phrasing Sanzo's mood swings. The hanyou, almost like he can sense someone is thinking about him, suddenly burst through the door and stops dead in his tracks when he sees Goku.

"What's he doing here?" Gojyo frowns, sake bottle in hand and a deck of cards in the other.

"Oh Gojyo, maybe you could help us out." Hakkai says with an optimistic clap.

"Me and Hakkai are talkin' 'bout stuff. Leave." Goku snips and points a hand at the door so Gojyo can show himself out.

"Well now I'm not going anywhere." Gojyo grumbles and makes his way over to the bed. "What, the monkey growing hair on his balls and he doesn't know why its happening." Gojyo says, all out laughing when Goku screeches and goes red in the face, and Hakkai gives him a look that says he's not helping.

"We were just discussing what could be making Sanzo so upset that he would kick Goku out of his room. However," Hakkai starts up with a sigh, "My instincts tell me there was no other reason. Sanzo may just want some alone time."

"But I wasn't doing anything. Can't he have alone time with me still in the room?" Goku says with all the strange logic a child could have.

"You just don't know how the handle the bastard." Gojyo comments and parks himself on the other side of Hakkai.

Hakkai about to interrupt that Sanzo's anger doesn't have reason, stops himself when he realizes that Gojyo might have something there. He gets a bright idea. "Goku how do you feel when someone compliments you?" he asks suddenly and both Gojyo and Goku look at him strangely.

"Huh?" They ask in unison.

"Compliments are a nice thing, aren't they?" Hakkai says, still smiling and waiting for the two to understand where he was going with this.

"Huh?" They ask in unison again.

Hakkai sighs. "It would be best if you, maybe tried to...butter Sanzo up a bit."

Goku's face scrunches up in thought. "Butter? Isn't that just gonna make a mess?" Goku asks, not understanding the expression at all and getting ideas about actually taking a container of butter and using it on the priest. It had the effect of making him both laugh and feel hungry at the same time.

"Use different terminology Hakkai. You're confusing the monkey." Gojyo provides.

"Compliment him." Hakkai says, "Say something nice about his…eh…" Even with Hakkai so affluent in language he still has no examples on what to compliment Sanzo about. Only Goku would be able to find something, he was sure of it.

"Oh you mean how he gets this really funny look on his face when he's reading the paper and he doesn't like what he's reading. He looks constipated." Goku giggles and Gojyo bursts out in laughter.

Hakkai puts his hands out to stop the two. "No, no. If you tell him that you might not come back alive." The brunette warns.

"But then like what?" Goku asks and scratches his brown head.

Hakkai looks to Gojyo and asks out of the blue. "Are you wearing cologne Gojyo?"

"Huh, ah yeah." Gojyo rubs his neck and looks embarrassed all of a sudden.

"It smells very nice." Hakkai says with a smile and then looks to Goku. "Maybe something like that, but Sanzo does not wear cologne so do not use the same compliment."

Gojyo comes out of his puffed up state long enough to ask, "Wait that was an example?"

Hakkai looks at the kappa for a second and then turns back to Goku. "Good luck." He cheers and pats the boy on the shoulder.

"Yeah, you'll need it." Gojyo says. "But guys like a good compliment once in a while." Knowing that from firsthand. "Just sweeten up to him and he'll be eating out of your hand like a nice little doggy."

**………. **

Goku creaks the door open slowly and peers inside. He spots Sanzo on the bed, his back to the door and his robes folded over a chair.

"Sanzo." Goku whispers, tip toeing into the room and over to the sleeping priest. There's nothing about Sanzo that particularly jumps out at him today, but not ready to admit defeat Goku goes in for a closer inspection. He sits on the edge of the bed and peers down at the side of Sanzo's face that's visible to him. "Sanzo." Goku whispers and he rests one hand on the monk's shoulder.

Sanzo's eyes immediately fly open. "What?" He says his voice groggy, but the sudden tenseness in his shoulders wide-awake.

Goku thinks about what he should compliment Sanzo on and blurts out the first thing that comes to mind. "You're really warm…like a blanket."

"I'm what?" Sanzo asks and suddenly sits up and looks over at his charge.

Goku hopes another compliment will dispel the look of pure murder on Sanzo's face. "You have really straight teeth." Goku says and is surprised he's never noticed it before.

Sanzo looks at him like he's lost his mind. "Are they painting the walls outside and did you accidentally sniff some turpentine" because that could be the only explanation for any of this.

Goku pushes on, undeterred by Sanzo's snappishness. He leans in a bit and looks Sanzo right in the eyes. Sanzo on the other hand leans back and wonders why one of Goku's hands is latching itself onto his fitted gloves, the boy passing his hand over the lean muscle underneath.

"Hmm, when we were in Chang'an your arms were smaller. Me too, wanna feel?" Goku says and shoves his arm in front of Sanzo, so he can feel.

Sanzo still stuck in WTF-land, closes his mouth and narrows his eyes. "Who put you up to this?" He questions and reaches under the pillow for his gun.

"Put me up t'what?" Goku also asks and suddenly slaps both palms over Sanzo's face. "I bet you wouldn't have those frown lines around your mouth if you did this." Goku says and pulls the skin at Sanzo's cheek, so his lips are now stretched up in a painful version of a smile.

Sanzo clunks Goku so hard on the head the room shakes from the impact.

**………. **

"Open this door!" Sanzo commands, as he pounds on the room door that Hakkai and Gojyo are sharing. When the door opens and he's met with Hakkai's unfaltering smile he throws Goku at the brunette. "Stop teaching him weird shit when I'm sleeping." Sanzo glares and adds as an afterthought, "You fucking morons," and then slams the door shut, like he'd been the one receiving the message instead of giving it.

Goku turns to Hakkai, "I don't think Sanzo likes compliments."

"I think you just suck at them." Gojyo retorts.

"Well practice makes perfect." Hakkai offers, placing a hand on the boy's shoulder and leading him over to the bed he'll be sharing with Gojyo tonight.

**End. **


	70. Follow the Leader

**Title:** Follow the Leader

**Characters:** Sanzo, Goku

**Timeline:** 3 years ago

**Summary:** Gojyo and Hakkai set a precedent.

**A/n:** Sanzo's a grumpy gus.

* * *

When Sanzo moved down the corridors of Chang'an, lowly monks scurrying underfoot, he straightened his back and walked with a bit more posture than usual. He liked the fact that these monks have been conditioned--after years of his notorious temper tantrums--to know when to lay low. To be seen more than heard, to know their place with-- 

"Sanzo, let's hold hands." Goku chirped up from his place beside him and Sanzo, who had been walking proudly mere seconds ago, slouched, his proud air now tainted by such a childish request.

"What?"

"Let's hold hands." Goku said again, his voice impatient sounding, like it should be obvious what he wanted.

It was obvious to Sanzo what Goku wanted, however why he wanted it was still a mystery.

Sanzo stared at his charge and still did not know what to make out of this. "Why do you want to...hold hands?" he asked, like the words had burned him, actually, _physically _burned him.

"Because," Goku started up innocently," Hakkai and Gojyo do it."

"What?" The recurrent firing off of a pistol could really do damage to eardrums, Sanzo reminded himself. Yes, that should explain his messed up hearing for today.

"I saw Hakkai and Gojyo holding hands, and when I asked Hakkai, he said that best friends hold hands." Goku stared up at him and stretched his chubby fingers out, like his explanation was enough and now he and Sanzo were going to hold hands.

"They do _what_?" Sanzo had to remind himself that he had built up a resistance to pistol backfire a long time ago.

"Let's hold hands." Goku didn't seem to think anything was wrong with his request and he just continued on, "They hold hands a lot and they're always so nice to each, and I think it's nice how they hold hands and we're best friends Sanzo, so we should hold hands too."

Even after months of dealing with Goku's logic, Sanzo still did not think he would ever get used to it.

"C'mon Sanzo." Goku said impatiently.

"Quiet." Sanzo commanded, still trying to process this new, startling information.

"We could hug too." Goku said out of nowhere. "Best friends hug." Goku moved towards him like he was going to give him a hug and Sanzo shoved his charge away and in the direction of a random monk.

"Go hug him then." Sanzo snapped and nodded towards the random monk.

"But I don't wanna hug him." Goku whined.

"Then hold his hand." Sanzo ordered and nodded towards the random monk's hand.

The monk looked terrified.

"Go on, hold his hand." Sanzo ordered and the monk, shaking like a leaf held onto Goku's hand.

Goku made a face. "His hand's clammy. But Sanzo," Goku started up, resistant to let this notion die down. "He's not my best friend, right?" The boy looked up at the sweating monk and he nodded his head in agreement with Goku.

Sanzo looked at the monk and narrowed his eyes. "You don't want to be his friend?"

The monk now nodded his head in complete agreement with Sanzo when he caught the unholy gleam in two narrowed, violet eyes.

Goku smiled at the monk, touched that this monk actually wanted to be his friend. "That's nice. I like having more friends."

Sanzo continuing his journey down the hallway, assured that this problem was over, turned his attention to a newer, much more annoying problem that had to do with his worker bees (as he liked to call them) Now would Hakkai and Gojyo be less, or more efficient at their jobs if they were screwing each other? One had to wonder, but he wasn't in the business of wondering, for Sanzo needed results when he sent them on missions (that he didn't want to do) Uh, the rank of Sanzo was so troublesome when your stupid minions weren't doing what you wanted them to do. He really needed a vacation.

" Chu." Goku sound-effected as he bounced up on his toes. Speaking of stupid…

"Sanzo, kiss me." Goku tried to latch onto the front of his robes to pull him down, the monkey's current height making it impossible for him to tip toe his way to Sanzo's face.

Sanzo, planting his hand, palm flat over his charge's face, firmly pushed him away. "Why are you so easily influenced?" He sighed and thought about that vacation.

"But Sanzo, Gojyo and Hakkai do it all the time, and when I see them, they tell me its because they're best friends. But I was kinda sad when they said that because when I asked Hakkai to kiss me (because we're best friends too!) he pecked me on the cheek, but he was kissing Gojyo on the mouth. Does that mean he likes Gojyo better? That's not fair. I'm much nicer to Hakkai than dumb Gojyo." Goku lamented in a way only a child could lament about the utter unfairness in the world.

Sanzo overloaded by way too much information had the overwhelming urge to just say 'fuck it' and run away. It seemed like the smartest way to go.

"Sanzo lets kiss." Goku again urged. "C'mon Sanzo. Kiss me!" Goku yelled through a corridor that was bustling with monks, every man trying to ignore the proceedings of their resident Sanzo and his under aged charge, even if it seemed futile with Goku yelling at the top of his voice, "Kiss me! Kiss me! Kissu!"

Goku was racking up some serious headache points with him, as the monk tried to make a fast escape without knocking his charge out, like this situation deemed. The boy had a fistful of his robes tangled in his small, but persistent hands, and Sanzo inhaled deeply, closing his eyes and trying to find his calm.

"Goku." He said and the tone of his voice stopped any further contesting. "Will it shut you up if I kiss you?" Sanzo said and Goku shook his head enthusiastically. "Close your eyes then." Sanzo commanded softly and Goku immediately shut his eyes and leaned in, waiting with bated breath for some heart-pounding seconds.

After a minute, Goku impatient for his kiss peeked an eye open. He immediately noticed that Sanzo was no longer in front of him, but halfway down the hallway and already turning the corner.

"Sanzo!!!" Goku shouted and ran after the monk.

"Like I'm kissing jailbait." Sanzo shouted back and startled some monks that were turning the corner. Sanzo continued to ignore his charge as the boy ran after him.

"But Sanzo you promised!!"

"I promised nothing. Now leave me alone and go grow up. Maybe in a couple of years I'll feel more hospitable." Sanzo lied, because he was never going to feel hospitable to anyone that wanted to kiss him, not even Goku, as retarded as he was.

"I'll hold you to that!" Goku cooed and with both of his hands he latched onto the priest's arm.

**End. **


	71. Setting Your Own Precedents

**Title:** Setting Your Own Precedents

**Characters:** Sanzo/Goku

**Timeline:** Present

**Summary:** Second part to "Follow the Leader"

**A/n:** Don't know what I was doing, so this is the result.

* * *

Sanzo liked to smoke outside in the evenings, so when Goku went outside, he wasn't surprised to see the priest there, quietly smoking and littering the ground with ashes. 

Goku shuffled his feet so the priest would hear him coming, although without the shuffling Goku knew Sanzo could hear a pin drop. It was the very reason he was so quick with his trigger finger. Sanzo had really good hearing, how else would he have heard him calling from that mountaintop if he didn't?

"What do you want?" The words had stopped Goku in his tracks. He didn't answer back, but continued to walk towards the priest. He leaned over the banister that Sanzo was slightly sitting on and glanced over at him.

"Mmh Sanzo? When do you think we'll reach India?" Goku asked, strangely curious about a topic that didn't have anything to do with food, unless he wanted to eat curry, which wouldn't surprise Sanzo.

"We'll reach it when we reach it." Sanzo said with no real commitment. Don't get him wrong, he was clamoring to reach India and get this business with the Sanbutsushin over with, but these past few days he felt sluggish. Like he could just sit here, and smoke this cigarette (which was pretty damn good if he should comment) and bask in the evening breeze, and Goku's stupid, but somewhat nice (still stupid) presence.

"Do you think we could have already reached it, and not known we reached it?" Goku asked.

"God, if you're trying to be philosophical then stop it, you might strain the few remaining brain cells you have and hemorrhage all over the place." Sanzo puffing calmly breathed in the smoke and his refreshing daily insult.

Goku, not saying anything back, glanced over at him again. When he caught the chimp looking, he turned his head to face him. "You've been doing that for some time now, you might want to stop it." Sanzo stubbed his cigarette out on the wood of the banister and prepared to stand up.

"I was just wondering…" Goku said with a sing-song in his voice.

"Then go wonder somewhere else."

Goku looked up; dusk was weaving hues of pink and orange in the sparse sky. "The sky here is different than home." Goku said, and the way he said_ home_ made Sanzo stop and waver in his spot. Goku was the only person in the world that could make such a bland word like home, or the hypocritical temple from which he was referring to sound so mystical.

"Are you home sick?" Sanzo asked; the question made to sound demeaning.

"Yeah." Goku sighed and braced his elbows on the banister, looking up at the sky wistfully, if he could do such a thing.

"That's rich." Sanzo smirked and it was the closest thing to a smile he could manage.

"Make me feel better." Goku whined and slouched completely over the banister, like he'd been sapped off all his strength.

"You need to grow up." Sanzo grumbled.

"I'm eighteen." Goku pouted. "I'm already grown up, but I'm not talking about that." He said with a teasing smile.

Sanzo could guess where this was going. "No."

"One kiss." Goku pressed and scooted closer to him.

"One turns into five." Sanzo frowned, and unfortunately already knew this from experience.

"You suck at math, Sanzo." He teased again. "You should get Hakkai to tutor you, because the last time I checked one doesn't equal five." Goku said in a know-it-all fashion.

"Well one long kiss. That's still a no." Sanzo responded. He didn't enjoy Goku's penchant for turning things around on him. They'd kiss before, but Sanzo surmises that he wasn't in his right mind when that happened, and that the monkey was taking advantage of him for it.

"I like it when you resist. It's sexy." Goku offered with a big grin.

"You're hanging out with Gojyo way too much." Sanzo didn't like that he could so easily tell.

"I'll hang out with you more if you want me to." Goku wheedled and looked awfully cute when he said it like that.

Dammit.

"One." Sanzo even put up one finger to show that it would just be ONE.

"I promise." Goku said, looking like he was close to saying scout's honor or something equally ridiculous.

"Fine, then make it quick." Sanzo crossed his arms and tried to look menacing, even though he had just unconditionally surrendered.

Goku without further ado leaned over and pressed his mouth to his, the gentle lapping of a tongue against his own, coaxing him to open his mouth and sear their lips together. It so happened one kiss really did add up to five.

"Oi chibi, Hakkai wants us to get some stuff from the market!" Gojyo shouted through the door, alerting the two still lip-locked to the kappa's soon to be entrance. With a hand still on Goku's shoulder, Sanzo in his haste to get away, accidentally pushed the monkey, the shove making Goku hit the banister and flip backwards right over it.

"The shit?" Gojyo now standing in the doorway and staring at Sanzo, who was calmly leaning against the banister again, strutted over to the monk. He noticed something from the corner of one red eye. "Not going to ask for all the details, but why are monkeys falling out of the sky?" Gojyo looked down at Goku, who was sprawled out on the ground and rubbing his head.

"He's learning how stay out of sight. Good for him. Maybe you should give that a try." Sanzo quipped, and walked back into the house, so he wouldn't have to deal with any of Gojyo's smart-alecky replies.

**End.**


	72. Egomaniac

**Title:** Egomaniac

**Characters:** Gojyo, rest of Sanzo-ikkou in BG.

**Timeline:** the what?

**Summary:** Gojyo is just too sexy.

**A/n:** Cracked filled, like everything I do.

* * *

That was what jealous people called him when they preached about the insides mattering more than the out. To him it sounded like a good excuse for ugly people, but thankfully he didn't know what it felt like to be in a constant state of fugle-denial, as he had been blessed with a face that made girls orgasm on sight. Really, it wasn't his fault he was born good-looking. He couldn't help who his parents were and their mondo awesome genes. 

"Stop staying mondo. You're mondo annoying me."

"Shut up. Internal monologue over here."

"Do that shit in your head then."

Anyway, like he was saying before he was rudely interrupted. He was good-looking and as such he had to put up with _ugly_ people and their _ugly_ attitude towards him.

"Tch."

"Seriously, would you shut up? I can admit that you got a decent face, but in comparison to mine, you fall short somewhere over there."

"Sanzo, why is Gojyo pointing at me?"

So right. He was good-looking and since he was _so_ good-looking, it was only natural that other people wanted to be near him and bask in his good-lookingness.

"That's not a word."

"Jesus Christ, go shove your head in a paper bag."

Dealing with the daily harassment was a duty that he as a handsome man had flawlessly performed. But being so generously endowed wasn't only a one sided street in which others kept taking and taking from him.

"Take what? I don't want anything from you."

No, because when you were good-looking it was only natural that you had a good-looking soul mate out there.

"God, I don't like where this is going?"

People weren't born pretty by themselves. No, they were born pretty in pairs and it was the sole responsibility of good-looking people everywhere to find their attractive counterpart and fit the pieces together, like a big ole pretty jigsaw puzzle.

"Your metaphor blows."

"Go make love to your hand hermit!"

And Gojyo's luck, like his face was perfect and so he had already found his beautiful soulmate, whose prettiness was contributing quite nicely to the balancing out of all the ugly, negative attitude in the world.

"Ugly?"

Yes ugly and negative.

"Fucking moron can't just go outside and talk to himself like normal crazy people."

And this is what jealously does to people, but whatever. All that mattered was that he'd found his one and only beautiful soulmate.

"Gojyo, I don't mean to burst your bubble, but can you let go of my hand. Goku's stomach is making noises that I don't think are healthy for a boy his age."

Just a minute. Love and good-looking people were things that went hand in hand, so it was only right that they did actually hold hands.

"I'm flattered, but you do realize we can hear you."

**End. **


	73. Paper Airplanes

**Title:** Paper Airplanes.

**Characters:** Goku, Sanzo.

**Timeline:** Present

**Summary:** A single sheet of paper has more weight than anything else.

**A/n:** I'm making myself sad again. It could be the fact that I typed this at school.

* * *

Sanzo opened the door to the bedroom he'd be sharing tonight with a certain saru. He expected to see Goku alseep when he came in, but the reality thrust before him was far different than what he expected. 

"Oh hi Sanzo." Goku said, but he hadn't looked up from what he was doing, for the boy was too distracted with what he had in his hands.

If this were anything else, Sanzo would have grumbled and told him to get in his bed. If this were anything else, Sanzo would have pulled out his fan, instead of standing there like a bump on the carpet quietly watching his charge.

"Sanzo, I think I'm getting the hang of it…but it's still kind of hard." Goku folded an end wrong. He furrowed his brows and thrust the paper airplane out for inspection.

"Is this how you do it?" He asked and Sanzo found himself incapable of answering, so instead he closed his eyes and shook his head.

"Aw, it isn't." Goku pulled the piece of paper back and looked it over himself.

If this were anything else, Sanzo would have went to bed without a word, instead of sitting down next to his charge on the floor, while the boy too absorbed in his work remained clueless to his sudden strangeness in mood.

Sanzo watched Goku for a couple more minutes as he fiddled with the airplane. He waited for more time to pass, before he offered out his hand in aid.

"I guess I'm taking too long." Goku said, and handed the paper airplane over to Sanzo with a self-conscious smile.

Sanzo didn't say anything, but fixed the airplane with hands that had carried out these motions many times before When finished, he quietly handed it back to Goku.

"I should have come to you first, but you stopped making them since we left Chang'an so I thought…" Goku let his sentence trail off and watched the paper airplane instead.

If this were anything else, Sanzo would already be asleep by now, but that wasn't the case, as he got up and headed towards the large picture window in their room. Goku followed after him wordlessly. It was quieter than anything that had ever existed between them, but the silence wasn't tense or wrought with anger. It was calm and peaceful and full like the moon tilting outside.

Sanzo swung the window open and Goku stepped up and over the window's ledge, while the priest sat on the sill that kept him sheltered within the room, but also open to the night air. Goku took one look back at him to make sure he was paying attention and then turned back around to the expanse of indigo and stars. He pulled the airplanes towards him, practicing his back and forth motion before finally releasing it into the night sky.

"Look Sanzo. It flew." Goku said and couldn't explain why he felt so happy, even though he knew it would fly, even though this wasn't the first time he'd seen an airplane in flight. It still made him happy to see this one, _this_ very one flying, an unexplainable uplifting feeling taking a hold of his chest and soaring like that solitary airplane.

"Sanzo, did you see?" He turned around and leaned forward on the ledge. "It flew. My first airplane, it flew."

Sanzo had the weirdest expression on his face, but Goku went on anyway. "I'll get better at making them. I'll get better, so next time I'll be the one fixing the airplanes for you. Okay?"

The strange expression on Sanzo's face hadn't gone away, but seemed to intensify with each passing minute. His eyes had narrowed, but they didn't look angry in any way. Goku for the first time in his life could not grasp the face that Sanzo was making.

"Sanzo?" Goku asked and leaned over the windowsill. "You didn't like it?" He whispered, as if this new, strange face that Sanzo was showing him needed to be kept a secret from the whole world. He gently touched Sanzo's sleeve in question.

He was caught off guard by the hug when it came. He hadn't had time to prepare himself, so his nose ended up mashed against a shoulder that smelled faintly of cigarettes, his body equally crushed to a chest that was slightly shaking. The arms holding him had clamped heavy and unrelenting around his back. The hug kind of hurt, and it was uncomfortable with the way his hands were trapped between them, but Goku felt that inexplicable uplifting feeling take a hold of his chest again.

**End. **


	74. Taking A Stand

**Title:** Taking a Stand

**Characters:** Gojyo/Hakkai,

**Timeline:** 3 years ago

**Summary:** Gojyo is in the fight of his life.

**A/n:** I have a potty mouth.

* * *

Gojyo was a ladies man. There were no ifs, ands, or buts about it. He liked the ladies and the ladies liked him. He knew his bachelor's lifestyle might not last forever. That one day, time and paternal instincts would kick him and he'd want to father a litter. He'd thought about it once or twice and come to the conclusion that the bachelor's life wouldn't last forever. Even when he knew he'd still be a raging stud come middle age or whatever came after that, he still might settle down and be with one girl and not have his bushel full or one night stands anymore. 

He knew he'd settle down one day, but one day was supposed to be in the far, very far, distant, really fucking hazy future. A future in which he might have some kids with some pretty girl who didn't annoy him, or bring up his past, and was good in the sack.

It grilled the hell out of him that his hazy future was clearing itself up on its own, all inconsiderate like and without his fucking permission, and going on ahead and giving him all sorts of crazy ideas about what his future should be like.

Hakkai had really messed him up.

He thought it'd be good for him to have another roommate. He thought it'd be just like those shitfest days with Banri. Impersonal and fun, clowning around with another guy that could hold his own in a fight and drink all your beer when you weren't looking. A real prick Banri was, yeah, but the fucker was all shits and giggles in his own distracting way and Gojyo enjoyed that.

To have another person around made him feel less lonely, less pensive. It made him feel less of the pain that was always trying to kick him in the balls.

Hakkai was supposed to be clowning around with him, and drinking all his beer, and kicking him in the face. Hakkai was supposed to be cussing him out, and stealing his girlfriends behind his back, and throwing his shit everywhere.

Hakkai was making him dinner.

Fuck him in the eye.

Gojyo should have known it was a bad idea. From the get-go his instincts should have warned him about somebody being so nice to him. It should have told him to shove --well maybe not shove, but gently nudge Hakkai out of his apartment when the brunette had been all stitched up and more emotionally stable.

They could have parted ways right then and there, and Gojyo's future with his missis wouldn't have been jeopardized.

He could have been boning girls left and right and not thinking about what Hakkai made for dinner, or what books Hakkai might read, or looking up a word in the dictionary that he had no idea what it meant, other than the fact that Hakkai had used it in a sentence to describe him, and it was driving him nuts that he didn't know, and he really wanted to know what Hakkai thought about him.

It was shit like that, that had keyed him into how dangerous Hakkai was to his current lifestyle. It was precisely the reason why he should have kicked--gently nudged him out of his apartment, or at least told Hakkai to maybe treat him more like an adult and not baby him so much.

He should have told him to quit cooking him for him, to stop buying shirts that fit better than the crap he picked up. He should have told him to stop making his apartment so clean, or to stop listening when he came back stoned drunk from the bar and felt like an asshole and wanted to unload.

It wasn't fair. He could be a dick to every guy he'd come across, and yet he couldn't be mean to Hakkai. It fucking wasn't fair. He tried once, really tried, like got a nasty comment ready and everything, and then it died a horrible death in his throat when Hakkai smiled at him and asked him if he wanted to play some cards.

He'd kick and yell in his head that this wasn't how he should be acting with a guy. With Tonpu he punched him every other week and then drunk his beer and took his money when he was unconscious, with Goku he cuffed and teased until they were both black and blue, with Sanzo he yelled and made his dislike for the bastard generally known.

With Hakkai he couldn't even say something without feeling like an ungodly jackass. He watched his words and tipped-toed, like a goddamned frilly ballerina around sensitive topics that took the shape of dead sisters or the whole humanity-losing shebang -- but when he did insert foot in mouth he always wanted to apologize and was already practically on his knees by the time Hakkai came home.

Hakkai had messed up his whole life plan of marrying a nice girl, knocking her up and raising the kids to not be bastards. Completely skewered that dream and flushed the shreds down the toilet, and it wasn't like he could just go up to his best friend and ask for an apology either.

Something along the lines of 'you turned me gay, so you better fix me up' or 'I think you need to apologize for being so hot' or 'stop smelling so good' or 'stop trying to listen to my problems and give me sensible feedback'.

Gojyo knew when to give up on a losing battle, but dammit his pride as a man, and a ladies man as that was giving everything it had. This was the fight of his life; he couldn't just roll over like some sated pup that got its tummy (stomach, manly stomach) rubbed.

Gojyo was strong. He kicked people's teeth in on a daily basis and guys that were a whole lot bigger and testosterone-fused than him.

He could fight this.

"Sorry I was late. Today everyone thought it would be a good idea to put their hands up at the same time right when the bell rang and question me about my personal life. Children their age can be such a handful, but I enjoy their enthusiasm for…Gojyo? Is something wrong? You look pale."

Unconditional surrender, like a brigade turned one man army, waving his white flag and everything, and prostrating himself towards the enemy ranks, begging and pleading for mercy and for his worthless life to be spared.

"Hey Hakkai, you wanna go for a drink or something?"

**End. **


End file.
